Too Much Recursion

The Tools You Have: Resistance and Feelings of Inadequacy

Sun, 09 Mar 2025 14:53:56 -0400

Photo by Jonathan Cooper via Unsplash.

To this day, I still don’t have a grill. I’ve been ambivalent about the size, the fuel type (charcoal vs gas vs wood), the safety. I was never taught how to use one growing up, so there’s also the burden of learning how to cook what I want. A grilled turkey for Thanksgiving is something I’ve wanted for years, but I’d have to borrow one to even attempt it.

2024: A Year in Vignettes

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 08:44:37 -0500

Photo by Paul Rysz on Unsplash

How can I summarize 2024? In years past, I’ve thought of Janus – looking forward, looking back – or the vinegar tasters from Taoism.

Now what comes to mind is Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. “Let me explain … no, it is too much. Let me sum up.”

Instead, I’ve decided to present a series of vignettes that, if lacking in complete explanation, at least offer context for this turbulent, exhausting year.

Asheville: Some Reflections

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 08:51:50 -0500

Photo: berries growing by the French Broad river. June 2024.

There was a Dollar General semi-truck in the river.

I had flown to Asheville to visit family for Thanksgiving in late November. I was riding with my mother, winding through back roads to avoid washed-out sections, to meet my sister and niece for a movie. Our route took us along a portion of the Swannanoa River. So many things had been left behind by the flooding from Helene two months ago: a delivery van, a twenty-foot boat, construction debris, plastic bags, so much detritus.

Poem: Carrots and Cabbage

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Image by Markus Spiske on Unsplash. (source)

Last week, I watered
Rows of carrots and cabbage
In raised beds of pine
At the foot of a hill.

This morning, I waded
Through rust-colored mud
To the foot of that hill--
But my garden was gone.

Tomorrow I'll borrow
A rusty old shovel
To dig out my pine beds
And plant seeds for next year.

Election 2024: Vote for Kamala Harris

Sat, 02 Nov 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Here in the US, this year’s general election is being held on Tuesday, November 5th. And here is my opinion:

You should vote for Kamala Harris, and not just because of harm reduction.

I hope, dear reader, that I don’t have to tell you about Project 2025, but if I do: it’s an outline by Christian nationalists of what they intend to accomplish during a hypothetical second Trump term. Trump has publicly disavowed it, but members of his campaign staff, including his VP pick JD Vance, were involved in its creation.

My Father: One Year Later

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 00:00:00 +0000

A self-portrait of my father. I believe he sculpted it while he attended art college.

One year ago today, on a cold Halloween evening in Bremerton, WA, my father Galen Gibson passed away.

I’ve struggled to articulate how I feel about his death. We hadn’t spoken in five years – a decision I had made, and not lightly – when I got word. The coroner, looking for a next of kin, had contacted my mother first, who sent them my way. I had to facilitate the cremation; the ashes and what few personal effects were sent to me. I shipped the cremains to a distant relative in Kentucky, where they were buried next to his mother’s grave.

The Old Ways: Migrating the blog to Hugo, and a brief personal history of web development

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 00:00:00 +0000

A few days ago, using time off from work following the back-to-back hurricanes we endured here in Florida, I decided to bite the bullet and migrate my site off WordPress. And strangely, the tool I chose – Hugo – is both a throwback to an earlier time and also the cutting edge of web development. Like any good paradox, this requires some explanation.

The Winds are Picking Up: After Helene and Milton

Sun, 20 Oct 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Image: a street in my neighborhood following Hurricane Milton.

There’s nothing like two back-to-back hurricanes to remind you to talk more to people you care about.

I am, in fact, still alive. After last year’s grief and illness, I began writing poetry (hopefully more on that to come!), and I’ve been migrating the blog away from WordPress to a static site generator. I’ve also been reading more, mostly non-fiction.

I guess one could say I was complacent.

Tasting Vinegar: Thoughts on 2023

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 00:00:00 +0000

‘The Three Vinegar Tasters’ by Kanō Isen’in, Edo period, c. 1802-1816, ink and color on paper, Honolulu Museum of Art, accession 6156.1. Public Domain.

It’s a given that the older one gets, the less cut-and-dry things become. A younger me would consider getting rained on while going to work to be enough for a bad day, but now I’d consider that an inconvenience, one that could be mitigated by a thoughtful conversation with a friend or trying a new tea brew.

Bad days do still happen. The day after Halloween, when my mother called to say that my birth father had passed, was one. But it’s a higher bar.

Was 2023 a bad year? It’s no longer so binary. It’s like acting out the vinegar tasters all at once.

On Grief: The Boy and the Heron

Wed, 20 Dec 2023 00:00:00 +0000

In an already complicated year, as I was struggling with changes in my professional life and family drama, I got the news that my biological father, Galen, had passed away.

It was the day after Halloween. That evening, my mother called to tell me that a coroner’s office in Washington state had gotten in touch. Somehow, they had found her contact information, and were seeking his next-of-kin. As I was his only child and he had no current spouse, that responsibility fell to me.

Project Sagittarius: January 2023 Update

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 18,235

“This month didn’t go as planned” is an understatement. I ran into some logistical plot issues about halfway through the month that’s required a bit of tinkering, and soon after I’ve had to deal with some work issues and two major, unexpected expenses that sucked out any enthusiasm I was able to muster.

Anyway, plot issues. I may delete one of my main characters. Their sections are becoming more of a slog to write, which is a bad sign for how readable their passages are. I have ideas about how to make them more enjoyable to read about, but throwing them out the proverbial airlock is still on the table.

Project Sagittarius: December 2022 Update

Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 15,008

I knew this month would be hectic, but looking at my daily word count table, I underestimated just how difficult writing this month would be.

Project Sagittarius Milestone: 10K Words

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 10,321

Progress this month has been fairly steady, apart from some neck pain this weekend that slowed me down considerably. It helps to have an action scene with a ton of buildup to keep motivated.

I'm Now On Mastodon!

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Come find me on Mastodon!

NaNoWriMo 2022 (aka Project Sagittarius): Day 30

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 7543

Despite two Thanksgiving dinners, sinusitis, a busier-than-usual work schedule, and other various personal issues, I reached the goal I set a few days in: 250 words a day, 7,500 words by the end of the month.

NaNoWriMo 2022: Days 21-25

Sat, 26 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 6269

Thanksgiving week went about as expected, as I’ve been writing only in fits and starts. However, in contrast with the sprint-like pace of 1,667 words/day of a typical NaNoWriMo project, 250/day is easy to catch up with.

I’ve come around to a point-of-view a writer friend proposed, when I discussed my then-current NaNoWriMo project with her some years ago. To paraphrase, she preferred a slower pace, as inevitably you’d have to unstitch your NaNo draft, fix some frayed edges, replace pieces wholesale, or even change the pattern. A slower pace means easier course corrections.

NaNoWriMo 2022, Days 17-20

Mon, 21 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 5078

I wrote on my tumblr that once you’ve started making character notes, you know a writing project has gotten serious. Well, dear reader, I began making them last night.

I don’t recall when, but for some prior project I began including reference pictures, usually of actors or actresses close to how I imagine each character to look. It’s a nice shorthand for imagining not only how a character looks, but what their voice sounds like, how they move, etc.

NaNoWriMo 2022: Days 11-16

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 4004

Getting this out a day later than I anticipated, as I was up late last night watching a long-delayed rocket launch.

You know what sucks? Blocking, by which I mean placing characters in a scene so that it makes sense. It was a chore when I had to keep blocking notes as a stage manager in college theater, and it still is even in a completely fictional world. Is Joe still at the oven cooking pasta, or has he gone to the front door? Mary was sitting on the porch, but on the next page it says June is.

NaNoWriMo 2022: Days 6-10

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 2509

Ah, the benefits of the tortoise pace.

Writing at 250 words/day is giving me the time to properly develop two parallel cultures, as seen through my two POV characters. Much of the fun of writing, at least in my experience, is uncovering all these little fossils and artifacts that you never planned for (to borrow Stephen King’s allegory of the dinosaur skeleton).

Eventually, I’ll need to keep track of all these world building artifacts – character names, places, etc. I can write characters sheets et al. in parallel with the manuscript itself, so if I have to create a character on-the-fly, I’ll have the time to make them a character bio after hitting my word count.

NaNoWriMo 2022: Days 1-5

Sun, 06 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Current word count: 1502.

It only took two days for me to realize that I needed National Novel Writing Month to be Personal Novel Writing Year.

To my relief and astonishment, the words are flowing just fine. My pre-writing notes are yielding enough “sourdough starter,” as it were, to keep baking. However, my time is just a bit more fragmented than I had anticipated at the start. I can usually piece together enough time for about 250 words per day, but getting enough for 1667 words per day is impossible on most days.

NaNoWriMo 2022: Surprise!

Wed, 02 Nov 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Against my better judgment, I am participating in National Novel Writing Month this year, after a years-old absence. For 2022, I’m playing using close-to-classic rules: a new idea (meaning not a continuation of a partial manuscript or rewrite), with minimal notes prior to Day 1.

This is by choice. I have at least two (maybe three) partial novels I could work on, but two of them, written during some rough personal drama, don’t sit right with me. The third is much more optimistic, but I’m not yet in the right headspace to return to that story.

Leaving the Roost

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 00:00:00 +0000

It’s nearly time to leave Twitter.

Elon Musk, billionaire space enthusiast and edge lord, is on track to purchase Twitter by this Friday. He’s over-leveraging his assets to buy a social media site because, um, ego I guess?

It’s reported that Musk wants to turn the entire platform into an Everything App, like WeChat in China. He’s also averse to moderation, and plans to implement drastic staff layoffs.

Twitter stopped being the fun, jokey site I enjoyed some time ago. My experience on the site has become marked by dog-piling, hot takes, misinformation, and even outright hate speech. Existing Twitter moderation is woefully hands-off; tying their hands further would not improve the site at all.

Rings of Power is a good show, and I'm prepared to die on this hill

Sun, 16 Oct 2022 00:00:00 +0000

When did I stop being enthusiastic about things I love?

In hindsight, I should have been much more vocal about my feelings about The Last Jedi. I loved, and still love, that movie for what it was trying to say, how its characters dealt with failure, how even the best of us can make bad choices and have to live with the consequences, how starship collisions can look transcendent.

Creating Hope

Fri, 20 May 2022 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t know when I started to run on fumes. My last post was September last year (about the delightful Star Wars Visions, which has a second season coming later this year). I’ve had a bunch of blog post ideas since then. I thought I had followed through with at least one, but no.

Life got in the way, as it does, only this time it was a jack-knifed semi-truck blocking all lanes of traffic.

Star Wars Visions, or What It Took To Love Star Wars Again

Sat, 25 Sep 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Has it been long enough to talk about Star Wars on the internet?

My feelings about the sequel trilogy – The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi, and The Rise of Skywalker – are more complicated than the polarized love/hate of the entire sequence that crystallized just after The Last Jedi was released.

Well, perhaps not so complicated. I adore The Last Jedi, but was deeply disappointed in The Rise of Skywalker. This was in part because of its choppy storytelling, but also because of how reactionary it was, undoing every novel thing that TLJ introduced, seemingly as an act of spite. I can recall so many vivid sequences from TLJ, but TRoS exists in this haze. I couldn’t even remember what the MacGuffin was that Rey and the others were trying to find.

What Covid Taught Me

Mon, 17 May 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Sometime in late March, I contracted the SARS-COV-2 virus. I don’t know how, where, or exactly when – maybe at the office, where hygiene standards had grown lax, or just in passing at the grocery store. It doesn’t matter, and even if I knew for sure I wouldn’t say.

Two weeks later, I had a cold that morphed into the worst case of pneumonia I have ever had. After a night of nausea so intense that it literally knocked me out of bed, I went to the clinic, where I got my official diagnosis. I went into quarantine for two weeks, got some steroids, and waited it out.

When I fell ill, I was just a week away from getting the first shot of vaccine.

Vogon Poetry

Sat, 27 Mar 2021 00:00:00 +0000

If you’re familiar with The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, you’ve heard of Vogon poetry: verse so stilted, so cliché, that is tantamount to torture for someone to hear it recited.

Anyway, I took down my recent poems. Pretension doesn’t become me. 🙂

What Hath Facebook Wrought

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 00:00:00 +0000

(CW: suicidal ideation)

As I was closing on my house in October – amidst tribble-like avalanches of paperwork, hands squeezed with white knuckles as everything almost fell apart up until it miraculously came together – I was already preparing for an extended break from social media.

I was already emotionally exhausted from the interminable presidential election, months of lockdown and squabbling over whether the very real COVID-19 was a hoax (it isn’t), and things were nearly coming apart at the last minute as closing day approached. I had stepped away from Twitter, but Facebook was always there – where I could gloat about some small victory, or quietly envy my friends.

It was a no-brainer: I would need a break after closing, to give myself time for packing, pre-move renovations, and moving day itself. To make the house livable would take a bit of effort – new light fixtures, flooring, etc. I needed every second I could spare.

Eucatastrophe

Thu, 12 Nov 2020 00:00:00 +0000

That’s the term JRR Tolkien invented to describe a terrible event that ends well. The climax of Lord of the Rings (when Sauron falls, not the scouring of the shire or all the loose ends) is a eucatastrophe. Luke Skywalker blowing up the Death Star is a eucatastrophe – because while the weapon of mass destruction was itself destroyed, nearly every pilot in his sortie was killed, and the rebellion had to retreat before imperial reinforcements arrived.

Longleaf Pines in the Breeze: On Hiking In Florida

Mon, 20 Jul 2020 00:00:00 +0000

From my last trip to Brooker Creek Preserve many years back, I knew that there would be standing water on the trails. I should have known better. I did know better.

And yet I still wore cotton socks.

Brooker Creek regularly floods during the rainy season in Florida, which is any month you don’t need to wear a sweater. Portions of the trails close depending on how bad the flooding is. Last Saturday, when decided to visit, most of the trails were closed, except for a short ~2 mile loop.

But while I was drenching my trail runners and ill-chosen socks, I noticed some white petals on the ground. The magnolia trees nearby were blooming.

Black Lives Matter.

Tue, 02 Jun 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Angry? Me too.

Here’s a list of things you can do to help.

And here’s why identifying how you participate in white supremacy culture is only the first step.

Edit - 6/5:

How to be a good white ally

Project Implicit - Unconscious Bias Test. One of the first steps is seeing how white supremacy culture has affected your unconscious bias towards black people and other POC.

11 Black-Owned Vegan Businesses. Support black businesses always, but especially now.

Choose Health

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Shortly before my departure from my church last year, I asked for counsel from a good friend about this decision. She suggested I make a sign that said “choose health,” put it somewhere I’d see it frequently, and follow its advice. In that context, it meant prioritizing my mental health over the demands of a toxic congregation.

Now, as I’m practicing social distancing – working from home, living with just my cat, going out only as needed – “choose health” has a very different meaning.

Prying It Loose: On Writing Poetry Again

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Like many teenagers, I wrote poetry in high school. I cobbled together a journal from spare ruled notebook paper and a used binder, hand-sewing and gluing the spine. The pages were deckled (not intentionally) by my inability to cut straight. I filled this upcycled journal with confessions, story snippets, and poems.

I wrote far more fiction than poetry in the years between, but I indulged on occasion. I used to post Wednesday poems on this blog some years back. I’d mess around with metaphor and meter in my stories, but not to great effect. (Rhyme was always hard for me.)

Since my writing block last year, I’ve struggled to find ways to put words to screen. I practically reinvented my writing process twice, but that didn’t seem to fix things. Even blog posts have been difficult and sporadic, though to be fair my topics have been difficult, deeply personal, and met with a great deal of hostility.

Earlier this month, unsure of what day exactly, I started writing poetry again. The first poem was excruciating to write, like turning a rusty nut off a threaded bolt, but the threads caught and subsequent poems have been easier.

Does Unitarian Universalism Have A Future?

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Short answer: not as it exists right now.

Long answer:

It’s no secret I left my UU church last year. While my specific grievances are personal and partly confidential, I can speak to an overall trend that I’ve witnessed in other UU churches.

Mainstream denominations are in big trouble, and Unitarian Universalism is no exception.

Embracing Boredom: Why I'm Ditching Streaming Video in January

Sat, 04 Jan 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Though I no longer do New Year’s resolutions (too ambitious, too inflexible, you’ve heard this already), I’ve decided to do some month-long commitments. Among my commitments this year: abstaining from most streaming video, i.e. Netflix, Disney+, etc.

I have several good reasons for this.

NaNoWriMo Post-Mortem

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Yeah, about that…

I knew I wouldn’t be hitting 50,000 words this month. I wasn’t expecting to fall short by 49K, though!

There were two primary issues: one of which is just luck of the draw, and the other is more significant:

Changing priorities meant losing my focus. Some family drama, professional uncertainty, and other (undisclosed) personal issues kept me from giving Field of Shards the attention it needed.
I over-planned.

Course Corrections

Wed, 06 Nov 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I may have been a little too ambitious with last month’s plans.

For a variety of reasons, I’m back on Facebook earlier than expected. I’ll remain off Twitter (much more of an issue with me personally) until the end of the month.

As it turns out, people expect you to be on social media to keep in touch. I tried to be proactive in reaching out to friends, but that skill has really atrophied, and unsurprisingly I felt isolated.

NaNoWriMo 2019, Day 4

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Total words written: 1,034.

It’s, uh, not a great start, but it is a start, nonetheless.

I haven’t scheduled my time well this week. I was socializing all Friday evening, then was out all of Saturday. I had some time Sunday morning, but didn’t take advantage of it. I’ve been getting words in here and there.

Hopefully I can gain some momentum this week, as I have nothing planned for the next few days. The challenges this year are different than last – this time around, it’s a matter of maintaining emotional engagement rather than time management. At least, that’s what I thought until I actually started writing this year.

NaNoWriMo 2019 Prep: Loose Ends

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I’m wrapping up my revisions to the existing draft of Field of Shards. Other than some scene rewrites in the first chapter, it’s been smooth sailing.

I noticed a very Hemingway-esque trick at the bottom of my manuscript: leaving a sentence unfinished as a prompt to continue writing. I recall doing that a bit last year, sometimes out of exhaustion, having finished my writing quota and not wanting to keep going. It sorta works – there’s a compulsion to finish the sentence, sure, but afterwards is harder when you’re drowning in the tar pit of writer’s block.

Plants, Plants, Plants

Mon, 21 Oct 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve decided to make the transition to a plant-based diet.

“Again?” I hear you say, dear reader. Yes, but with some important changes this time.

True, I’ve had some false starts the past few years, which you’re familiar with if you follow me on social media or know me in meatspace. My issues with maintaining a plant-based/mostly-plant-based diet has been documented extensively on this blog. This time around, I’m making several important changes:

Erik the Hermit

Sat, 19 Oct 2019 00:00:00 +0000

One thing I’ve developed a skill for is knowing when to step away from social media. Like Ross and Rachel, we’re always on a break, never a breakup.

(Though now that I recall, they did break up on that show, didn’t they?)

This time, I’m taking time away from Facebook and Twitter in particular. There are a few reasons, chief among them a need to reclaim some free time for NaNoWriMo next month. I’m also noticing that I’m getting angry over social media interactions as much as real-world tragedies, which is so very wrong.

NaNoWriMo 2019: The Preppening

Wed, 09 Oct 2019 00:00:00 +0000

As November 1st approaches, I’ve begun preparing for this year’s marathon of words. Read on for the details.

This Year’s Project: Continue working on Field of Shards

Although I eventually stalled out at ~17K words, Field of Shards had a great start last year. I’ve learned from NaNos past that you should never start a new project if there’s one you’d rather be doing, and this story’s pretty decent, if I may be conceited for a moment.

Hanging Separately: Some Commentary on PhilosphyTube's Video Essay on Climate Grief

Fri, 23 Aug 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Oliver Thorn, aka PhilosophyTube, released a great video about “Climate Grief,” and I had a few thoughts on it. (You can watch it below.)

As 1) a millennial, 2) a semi-committed environmentalist, and 3) a UU, I couldn’t help but nod in agreement with his description of the climate crisis as a “hyperobject,” something inescapable and composed of a multitude of interrelated issues.

Fallow

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 00:00:00 +0000

For a self-described writer, I’ve written very little outside of blog posts this year. I have … reasons (I’ll just say life has demanded my attention in ways I couldn’t ignore).

I started a perfectly-good novel last year, tentatively named Field of Shards. I intended to work on it back in January/February, which is when, well, the ugliness happened.

My fallow periods always coincide with some personal crisis, whether I know it at the time or not. November has been a lucky month, at least, which is why NaNoWriMo works part of the time. I think the best way to describe these fallow times is “emotionally distracted.”

Won't Get Fooled Again

Tue, 30 Jul 2019 00:00:00 +0000

This quote by Brene Brown used to be one of my favorites, from her book Braving the Wilderness: “strong back, soft front, wild heart.” In essence, it means having strong moral conviction and identity, learning to be vulnerable, and letting your heart lead you. I’d recite it in the context of leadership, either in an interpersonal sense or with regards to church or work.

I no longer believe this to be true.

Hey, what happened to a bunch of your blog posts?

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve decided my personal life should be, well, more private.

Nothing’s changed. I continue to address my past behavior and come to terms with my identity.

It’s also part of a wider effort on my part to practice better social media hygiene, so you’ll see some other changes on this and my other profiles.

This blog will remain topical, but being confessional doesn’t help myself or anyone else.

Why Python?

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Oh, right, I’m a programmer.

I talk about mental health, writing, movies, mental health, travel, and mental health so often on here, it’s easy to forget that I spend 8 hours a day programming.

I write code for a living. More specifically, I’m a web developer specializing in front-end code but with significant back-end experience. I’ve spent most of my professional career working in Javascript, ColdFusion, and PHP, and I cut my teeth on QBasic way, way back when.

And lately I’ve spent a great deal of time playing around with Python.

So I Guess I'll Talk About Godzilla

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 00:00:00 +0000

What Godzilla: King of the Monsters understands – as does the first Pacific Rim movie – is that giant monster movies are supposed to be cathartic.

"What is the cost of lies?" A few quick thoughts on Chernobyl

Wed, 29 May 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Holy moly, this show.

As Game of Thrones wound its way to a wet fart of a series finale, I started thinking about what else I could use my HBO Now subscription for. (I frequently confuse the on-demand service with HBO Go, which is just for cable subscribers – which is probably intentional.) Besides an archive of good miniseries from years past, there was a new show that had really piqued my interest: a show about the Chernobyl disaster.

Outdoors

Thu, 09 May 2019 00:00:00 +0000

My alarm woke me at 3:30 AM on a Saturday morning, which hadn’t been a regular occurrence for over ten years – not since I worked logistics at a big retail chain. I chugged some coffee/energy drink mix from a can, pulled on my hiking clothes, fed the cat, grabbed my gear, and drove to meet my friends.

My friend Trude had invited me to join her and Diane on a bird safari around Lake Apopka. Trude won it at a church auction; I had to back out when the bids rose above $200. Diane would drive and point out interesting specimens; Trude would take pictures; I, with a tremor that makes it difficult to handle a camera, would observe through binoculars.

Nature is way more interesting with knowledgeable friends and a deliberate pace.

The First Run: "Avengers: Endgame"

Mon, 06 May 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I recently appeared on the podcast The First Run, co-hosted by my friend Chris Scalzo, to discuss Avengers: Endgame. Check it out here!

"We ... are ... Americans" - Some Quick Thoughts on "Us"

Mon, 08 Apr 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Well, that movie’s gonna stick around in my headspace a while.

I don’t think it’s quite as good as Get Out, Jordan Peele’s last film, but few films are. However, I found Us to be more memorable – the imagery is vivid and disturbing, especially during the third act. The performances, including two amazing ones from Lupita Nyong’o, are excellent for reasons I don’t wish to spoil.

Speaking of Jordan Peele, I really should watch the new Twilight Zone series.

"We've just been informed by the studio that we're doing a Part 3"

Thu, 04 Apr 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Lindsay Ellis’s The Hobbit “duology” documentary – funny, frustrating, melancholic, nostalgic, overall a great watch – is a finalist for Hugo Award for Best Related Work. I’ve been a big fan of her work since she began a decade ago.

The rest of the nominees look strong, but I’ve been out of sync with SF this year. Hoping to remedy that soon.

ETA - watch the first part here.

Amazon Mothership Concept Art

Tue, 02 Apr 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Pretty sure this is how Skynet starts.

(via Gizmodo)

April: Way Past Time for Self-Care

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 00:00:00 +0000

For those of you who follow me on social media, you’ll know I’ve been having kind of a rough year.

Last week, I had a severe anxiety flare-up. Through personal experience, I found out that throat constriction, which feels like anaphylactic shock or a swollen thyroid, is a common symptom of GAD. An on-call physician at a walk-in clinic pointed it out immediately.

Sea otter archaeology, you say?

Mon, 01 Apr 2019 00:00:00 +0000

A new study suggests that sea otters create a distinct archaeological record, and it might eventually have a lot to tell us about their evolutionary history.

https://arstechnica.com/science/2019/04/sea-otter-archaeology-exists-and-its-awesome/

Eyes Unclouded: Princess Mononoke and Living with Anxiety

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Note: This is not an examination of the intentions of Hayao Miyazaki or any of the other filmmakers involved in the production of Princess Mononoke. This is how it speaks to my own lived experience.

(CW: mental illness)

I live with anxiety and depression. I have been going to therapy semi-regularly since 2010, after I experienced an anxiety attack that caused me to flee my workplace. My first experiences with depression were in high school. Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand, and I’ve heard it described as a symbiotic relationship – bouts of high anxiety leading to periods of depression.

The experience of an anxiety attack, aka a “panic attack,” is like being stalked by a tiger that’s just out of sight. It’s difficult to breathe. You have to do something right now, come on, let’s go, but you don’t know what exactly needs doing. Your fight-or-flight kicks in, and either you get irritable and angry, or you panic and escape as best you can.

Free Story: "Coming in on a Wing and a Prayer"

Thu, 07 Mar 2019 00:00:00 +0000

Here’s a bit of spooky fluff for your afternoon. I presented the story below at a Christmas party for some scary storytelling around a campfire. It’s a mix of fact and (mostly) fiction, but the Widowmaker was a very real plane. I hope you enjoy it!

The World's Laziest Aikidoka

Thu, 24 Jan 2019 00:00:00 +0000

I’ll be back on the mat tomorrow.

I took several months off from Aikido last year. I didn’t think it would be permanent at first, just a short break while I handled an enormous project at work with a hard deadline. Well, that project slogged on for several months, then led into a sequel project (with a slightly softer deadline, but other mitigating circumstances)…

And then I got sick.

I was training for a 5K during this time (just so I could keep active somehow), but my fitness took a huge nosedive while I shook off a nasty sinus infection following a bad cold. When I was able to start running again in late December, I was starting almost from scratch.

Still, I hung onto my gis – one I received when I joined my dojo last year, another I ordered but didn’t get to use – because some part of me knew I’d be back.

Finally, after realizing how much I missed it, I restarted my membership at the dojo last week. I’ve been going over the techniques I tested on last year, doing some stretches to prepare for the rigorous workout, but I’ve backslid considerably.

Some Thoughts on "Mold": Sort of an Awards Eligibility Post

Tue, 18 Dec 2018 00:00:00 +0000

My short story “Mold” appeared this summer in the anthology Survivor, edited by JJ Pionke and Mary Anne Mohanraj, and published by Lethe Press. I’m tremendously proud of both my story and the other outstanding works in that volume. I highly recommend the anthology as a whole for any eligible categories in 2019.

That said, I don’t know if I can write something like “Mold” again, in part to what I learned recently about my family history. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to read it again.

NaNoWriMo 2018: a Post-Mortem

Tue, 04 Dec 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Total words: 16,507

That…didn’t go as planned.

Despite some thorough pre-writing and my best efforts, I did not reach 50,000 words during November. I didn’t anticipate coming down with an aggressive, flu-like cold. On the other hand, I did know about a crucial deadline at work, so I could have planned around that better.

Still, that’s 16K words on a story I’m thrilled about.

I’m catching up on business I put off while I was sick, but I should be back on it soon.

NaNoWriMo 2018: Days 19-25

Mon, 26 Nov 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Word count: 16,507

Best laid plans, yadda yadda yadda. I finally made some time…and then I caught a nasty cold I’m just starting to get over.

I’m getting better. If I hit 20K words by November 30, I’ll be satisfied.

NaNoWriMo 2018: Days 12-18

Mon, 19 Nov 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 16,304

So this week was terrible for getting any writing done. I was busy at work preparing for a deadline, taking care of Board of Trustees business, and dealing with some persistent fatigue. I knew I wouldn’t write much, but I skid to a halt.

I have all next week off. I just hope I feel better so I can get something, anything written.

NaNoWriMo 2018: Days 5-11

Mon, 12 Nov 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Word count: 16,018

Things are about to slow down. I’m running headlong into several unavoidable commitments this week, so my time crunch is at its crunchiest. I’m also dealing with a bit of fatigue, possibly caused by my health regimen, or perhaps minor sleep deprivation caused by the time change and driving early to Orlando on Friday for a workshop.

There’s a good chance I won’t win NaNoWriMo this year. However, I’m still confident I’ll finish my novel – just not as fast as I had expected.

NaNoWriMo 2018: Days 1-4

Mon, 05 Nov 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Total word count: 7,005

My “super-outline” spreadsheet – the one with too many columns – might be the key to keeping me on track this year. I had to work out every single plot beat in advance, including what POV characters to use each chapter. By sticking with the outline, I’ve been able to keep the words flowing, with minimal changes so far.

(One inspiration I forgot to mention: JK Rowling used a similar setup for her outline for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.)

NaNoWriMo 2018: Final Preparations...

Thu, 01 Nov 2018 00:00:00 +0000

…Are as finished as I can manage.

I have an outline. (There’s a subplot I need to add, but I’ll do that in the next few days, and it won’t interfere with the first couple chapters.)

I have a few strategies for getting the words out. Most days I’ll be at home in the evenings, but for those that I’m not I can either write on my lunch break, or immediately before or after whatever meeting I have scheduled.

Fri, 19 Oct 2018 00:00:00 +0000

FYI, the focus of this blog will be changing. I’ll continue to post about writing and technology and UU things, but certain aspects of my personal life will no longer be recorded here (personal religious beliefs, relationships, work, etc). Sure, social media knows all, but dear reader, you shouldn’t.

NaNoWriMo updates will resume soon. Preparations are underway and going well.

NaNoWriMo 2018: The Lengthy Prologue

Mon, 08 Oct 2018 00:00:00 +0000

The time is upon us.

I’ve been preparing for National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, for several weeks. Last year’s attempt fizzled out for a number of reasons (and for the best – much of what I was satirizing in Doctor Who seems to be rectified with the new series). Here’s what I’m doing differently this time around.

Mac and Me: Falling In, Out, and In Love Again with Apple

Sat, 11 Aug 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Image: Ah, college.

(No, not that Mac and Me.)

Before I was a Mac user, I was into MS-DOS. My first PC was a Tandy 1000 with a 286 CPU and less than 1MB of RAM. It didn’t even have a hard drive.

During most of the 90s, my family couldn’t afford another computer, so I had to make do with the Tandy 1000 as best I could. I wrote a novella — my first! — on it, as well as countless school papers. We had a dot-matrix printer, so printing five pages took five minutes at least, more if there were graphics. (And woe unto you if your ribbon started running dry!)

Our finances improved around the same time that the iMac — the original gumdrop shaped model — was released, and I just had to have one. My parents splurged on it, with the condition that it was a “family” computer, and I couldn’t use it all the time. (That didn’t last long, as no one else knew how to use it very well.)

Going from DOS to Mac OS 8 was like trading in a Ford Model T for a 90s-era Volvo. Things were markedly better to use than before, but when you rode in your friends’ cars, you’d be struck by how differently their dashboards were laid out, or how the steering column didn’t have the same buttons yours did. Sure, you had a modern car, but it wasn’t like the ones everyone else drove.

And God, I loved that machine.

The love affair would last 17 years, up until a trial separation led me to wonder how much I still loved the Mac.

Flash Fiction: "To Weather the Storm"

Tue, 24 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

In lieu of a life update, I’ve decided to post a flash story. It’s an odd duck, not science fiction (no speculative elements) but not really lit fic either, so I’ve had trouble finding the right market. It was partly inspired by reading about this phenomenon in the wake of a hurricane. Enjoy!

The nursery chambers are flooding.

I march down the tunnels, trailing my sisters, other workers, following pheromones left by those fleeing from below. Danger, hurry, I smell, my antennae twitching. The air grows moist, the soil clinging to my legs in clumps that dwarf my tarsal claws.

A mass of tangled bodies, floating on the rising flood, blocks my path. These are more of my sisters, drowning, their pheromones shouting danger in sharp, acidic scents. I can smell cocooned workers and larvae dying below. I turn back, hurrying on my six legs into the chamber above before the waters reach me.

Tue, 26 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I recently appeared on the podcast The First Run, co-hosted by my friend Chris Scalzo along with Matt Howell, to talk about Incredibles 2. Check it out here!

Do You Remember How to Fall? On Missing Aikido

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I started taking Aikido in late 2011.

It’s the flow. I’ve always been attracted to martial arts, but Aikido is so unlike everything else that, like Tai Chi, it’s more of an art.

Part of me suspects I wanted to look and act like a Jedi. Not a bad reason, if you ask me.

So I found a local dojo, took an intro class, and was hooked. We had a great sensei, and the students were overall a good bunch. I kept going through a difficult breakup and terrible work stress.

Then, six months later, I just stopped, and I don’t know why exactly.

I'm Not Right, But I Give A Damn

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

There’s a bee swarm of incoherent rage that’s been in my head the past week or two. The unconscionable separation and detainment of children by our administration, on top of the other abuses that we’ve endured since January 2017, is so mind-bogglingly enormous that it’s practically inconceivable.

It’s been a struggle continuing to live a mundane life – feeding Olly, going to work, having fun – while attempting to do something about our terrible government. It’s the knife’s edge of burnout, where doing too little (or nothing at all) is unethical, but doing too much will consume you and break your back. Until recently, my tactics were two: 1) fund orgs like the ACLU who challenge unconscionable actions, and 2) write my representatives when, ehem, encouragement is needed to do the right thing.

Paul of Tarsus was THE WORST

Fri, 15 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I didn’t want to wade into this whole thing (I’ve written enough about religion for a good while now), but after the insipid comments by a certain press secretary, I had to comment.

The apostle Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus, was an absolute bloke.

Adventures in Post-Theology, Part 2: The Surprise Sequel

Tue, 12 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

For all the fraught ambivalence over God I’ve wrestled with lately, it never occurred to me that I could just be a garden-variety Pantheist. I dismissed it outright in my last post on this subject, wondering whether I was really finding God when looking on nature, or just expressing wonder.

Well, how do things look from a Pantheist perspective, where God and the universe are the same?

I have something to pray to. It’s not hard to find, when you can step outside and feel the wind on your face. It’s impermanent, changing constantly. There are no theological gymnastics to jump through, but it’s also not the rabbit hole of woo that I’ve found new age traditions to be. It will never be at odds with science.

A Brief Post about Phone Anxiety

Thu, 07 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I heard recently on a project management podcast that millennials (that is, my generation) have higher rates of phone anxiety. It was mentioned in passing, but with the subtext that we young’uns just don’t know how to talk to people anymore.

So. Yes, I have phone anxiety. But I can tell you that I didn’t always have it, and the cause isn’t texting too much, or whatever the excuse de jour is.

Wed, 06 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I had a teaching moment recently. Any personality flaw or shortcoming can be addressed with enough time and energy, but usually it’s better to find an easier path than try to pursue it with brute force.

Be kind to yourself during your screw-ups. Know that no journey is pre-ordained.

(Also, see your therapist every once in a while. It’s good for the heart.)

Adventures in Post-Theology

Mon, 04 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

There’s one episode of the cartoon series Doug that I recall in vivid detail. Doug and his classmates are playing baseball. Everyone’s doing fine, except poor Doug, who keeps striking out. It’s late in the game, the score’s tied, and Doug’s up to bat. Patti notices something: Doug, who’s a leftie, is swinging from the right. She corrects Doug’s form, he hits the ball, and the game is won.

It’s ridiculous, right? Something so obvious – Doug being a southpaw – getting overlooked by Doug himself when he tries to swing a bat. How could anyone overlook something like that?

Yeah, well, have I got a story for you. See, I’d been under the impression that I was a Theist for the past few years. And it didn’t occur to me, until after some intense introspection, that I’m actually not.

But that doesn’t make me an atheist.

Like Blood from a Stone

Thu, 31 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

During intense periods of stress, my creativity shrivels up like a dried mushroom. Writing, in particular, seems to run out completely when I’m overworked.

Like for the past month, for instance.

My life isn’t getting any easier, alas. If anything, I’m taking on more challenges in my professional and personal life.

But I do wish the well hadn’t run dry.

Like, I Dunno, Maybe Facebook Is Toxic?

Tue, 20 Mar 2018 00:00:00 +0000

In retrospect, it might have been a mistake to give Facebook all of my personal information in exchange for seeing what my high school friends eat for dinner
— Kelvin Yu (@InternetKelvin) March 20, 2018

When the news broke about Cambridge Analytica obtaining personal information on Facebook for use in a presidential campaign, I shouldn’t have been surprised. And yet.

Story Publication: "Mold"

Fri, 02 Feb 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I am pleased to announce that my short story “Mold” will be appearing in a forthcoming anthology! Survivor, edited by Mary Anne Mohanraj and JJ Pionke, will be released by Lethe Press in Summer 2018. Pre-order the anthology here.

A big thanks to Alison McMahon, Karl Dandenell, Jocelyn Kirby, and others for their insightful input during the development of this story. It took a long journey from first draft to publication, but now the public will get a chance to read it.

FYI

Wed, 17 Jan 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve recently updated the site to use https. Please redirect your RSS reader to https://blog.erikgern.com/feed.

Jen Grew Up: Moving on from The Dark Crystal

Tue, 02 Jan 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Image: Even the Urskeks knew when it was time to leave.

Sunday afternoon I turned on The Dark Crystal for my annual re-watch, a New Year’s tradition of mine. As I was sorting through old mail and generally cleaning house, something odd happened:

I turned it off midway through.

My feelings about this beautiful, imaginative film have evolved over the past few years. I was deeply invested in this film not too long ago. Yet after my disillusionment with the Henson Company’s prequel writing contest in 2013, I started taking a more critical look at it.

I typically don’t do this to movies. Books, including both prose and graphic novels, I can engage in with some distance, which allows me to tease apart a story more easily. Yet movies have always been visceral, and I’m usually too emotionally involved with the visuals to properly engage them.

But The Dark Crystal meant a lot to me, and I had to figure out why. The writer in me had to know whether it was the storytelling or the production design that drew me to it.

Well, here’s what I found.

2017 In Review

Wed, 20 Dec 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

You want more details, dear reader? Well, then, read on.

Sunk Cost Fallacy, or Why My NaNoWriMo 2017 Plans Are Up In The Air

Mon, 30 Oct 2017 00:00:00 +0000

On my hard drive sits a novel-length manuscript. I wrote the rough draft about four years ago, and subsequently revised, polished, rewrote half of it from scratch, revised and polished yet again, and let it sit while I decided where to take it.

This novel had some similarities to a very popular show on a global video streaming site. I thought I could use that show as a comparable, or comp for short. (Comps are used in pitches to editors and agents: they demonstrate that a story is enough like a successful work that it can be sold.) I would need to differentiate my work from this show, since there were some uncanny similarities, but that could be done through incremental revisions.

However, a new season of this famous show just dropped.

Covenant before Creed (aka Why Unitarian Universalism?)

Mon, 16 Oct 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I gave a short talk at my church last Sunday. You can watch below, or read the transcript further down.

Why I'm a Theist

Mon, 02 Oct 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I recently re-read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, an otherwise excellent book on pursuing Buddhist practice, when I came across a curious statement. To paraphrase, Chodron considers theism an addiction, a desire for “a babysitter” to come in and fix things.

Funny. I never thought God was going to fix anything for me.

"In the Eye of a Hurricane, There is Quiet"

Thu, 21 Sep 2017 00:00:00 +0000

There’s been a persistent numbness lately, as if a circuit board in my brain was shorted in a power surge and lies dead and smoldering. So, so many things have happened – are happening – are about to happen – that they cannot be processed. Like logs down a river, my feelings have caught on the banks and jammed.

After my post about Harvey, we Floridians, as well as those in the Caribbean islands, had to deal with Irma. I evacuated with a friend to Tallahassee for several days to wait out the storm, worried about family and friends who stayed behind. After two weeks of gas shortages, empty grocery stores, and awful traffic, I made it home, my apartment just as I had left it.

Weathering the Storm: Environmentalism, Harvey, and Climate Change

Tue, 29 Aug 2017 00:00:00 +0000

My heart aches for Houston. The arrival of hurricane Harvey over the weekend has dumped trillions of gallons of water onto the city and much of the gulf coast of Texas, turning highways into rivers.

I’ve lived through a hurricane. I was seven when Andrew swept through Florida. My family evacuated to a motel in Fort Myers, thankfully on the other coast of the peninsula, away from the hard-hit Miami area. I was recovering from surgery. As I tried to peel off my bandages, I watched as streetlights and palm trees swayed and bent in the wind and rain.

Cry-Baby: HSPs, Toxic Masculinity, and Reclaiming Being a Sensitive Man

Tue, 08 Aug 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I’m a highly-sensitive person.

I used to think that I was on the autism spectrum. While that’s still possible, HSP is a more likely diagnosis. The highly-sensitive person experiences senses and emotions more intensely than others and can be easily overwhelmed. HSPs are often, though not always, introverted. They are also very empathetic. (More on this later.)

Growing up, I was a sensitive, shy kid who cried a lot, preferred playing indoors to rough-and-tumble sports, and only had a few friends at any given time. I was ill-socialized, behind my peers for much of my adolescence (another factor that led me to think I might be on the spectrum). A friend once said that, when I was 16 years old, I was mentally 20 but emotionally 9.

Someone, either a parent or another family member, called me spoiled because I cried so much. I was mocked for it. Later, I was spanked.

I stopped crying. I stopped complaining. I tried hard to avoid showing any emotion at all, as time and time again, I was told that my feelings weren’t wanted.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING: A Post About Writing Process

Tue, 01 Aug 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve written two stories in the past six months, and everything about them is different.

The first followed my typical writing process, albeit shortened to meet a crucial workshop deadline. It’s emotionally honest (something I ranted about the other day on Twitter), about a subject with which I have personal ties. It’s longish for a short story, probably with too much character nuance and plot-contrivance to make it salable. The character arc came first, and the worldbuilding details were shrinkwrapped around it. Somewhere along the way, with a good bunch of help from my workshop cohort, I reverse-engineered a three-act structure out of it.

That's All He Wrote: Moving on from my Bullet Journal

Fri, 28 Jul 2017 00:00:00 +0000

The time has come to retire my bullet journal.

I moved to a paper-based task management system after getting frustrated with the fragmented, inflexible world of task management/note-taking apps. Bullet journaling offered flexibility, simplicity, and cross-pollination. That last one appealed to my creative side, especially when it comes to brainstorming and lateral thinking.

After eight months, I’ve decided to move back into the digital realm. In no particular order, here are the reasons why:

Shorter, Shorter, Shorter

Mon, 10 Jul 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been fighting a bad case of pneumonia for the past couple weeks. I caught it sometime in New Orleans during General Assembly, probably due to travel stress. I missed a week and a half of work because of it.

So I’ve had to prioritize. For a week I didn’t have the energy to sit up in an office chair. Yesterday, a church service left me winded and pale. The most I’ve been able to cook on the stove has been eggs and turkey sausage. If you ever doubt Spoon Theory, just remember the last time you came down with the flu or any other medium-term illness.

I’ve had to prioritize my writing as well.

This year, it seems as though I’ve written nothing but short stories. I write monthly articles for The Daily WTF, of course. This weekend I wrote a short piece for a contest, and earlier this year I wrote and workshopped a story called “Juicers,” which I’m finishing up this month. Also, I recently sold a short story to an anthology (more details at a later date, I promise!). Frequently, I’ve been revisiting “brain dump” files for potential story ideas.

Jesus and the Buddha Walk Into A Bar...

Tue, 13 Jun 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Image: Yes, this manga really exists.

(This is the third in the series “Erik can’t decide what the hell he believes in.” See earlier posts here and here.)

I wish I had read Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Naht Hanh years earlier. It had been on my reading list for ages, but I didn’t pick it up until a few months ago. Hanh describes, with a poetry that only a Zen master like himself can produce, how the teachings of Gautama Buddha and Jesus of Nazareth parallel each other.

I say this because I still flounder on this question: am I a Unitarian Christian who also follows the Buddha, or am I a Zen-leaning Buddhist who also loves Jesus of Nazareth? (The correct answer is actually that I’m a Unitarian Universalist; more on that below.)

I’ve explored my proto-Christian side for months now, and while it’s been fruitful, I still keep returning to the rituals and worldview of Buddhism. There are many complicated reasons why, but I’ll outline a few below.

Every Part of You Is Papier-mâché

Mon, 22 May 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Earlier this month, I was elected to my church’s Board of Trustees….

…A week later, I was invited to a new critique group….

…Recently, I was given incredible leeway in refactoring a major project at work….

People keep giving me opportunities. And that feeling that it’s all undeserved? Still it remains.

Come and Take It

Tue, 02 May 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Image: The Alamo church.

“Remember the Alamo” has two primary connotations, depending on the audience. It’s either a jingoistic rallying cry, a justification for the incursion of white settlers into Spanish-held territory. Or, if you’re a certain kind of Texan, it’s a reminder of the nobility of sacrifice, when things are worth fighting for.

Not being Texan myself, nor a believer in the peculiarly American kind of Manifest Destiny, I fall into the former category.

FFS (Weekly Update for 4/17 - 4/23)

Mon, 24 Apr 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I miss Scruffy. Our family dog, she was 18 when we had her put down last Sunday, Easter of all days. She was quirky in ways I could appreciate, affectionate, and gentle.

(CW: depression)

This has not been the only personal tragedy lately I’ve dealt with recently, alas. I have to be honest: I’ve been in the suck lately. (I can also swear again, as it’s long past the end of Lent.) But I’ve still had work to do, both literal and metaphorical. Next week I’m doing absolutely nothing, apart from the day job.

Weekly Update for 4/10 - 4/16

Mon, 17 Apr 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Much of the week was concerned with some uncomfortable personal introspection (sorry, no details). And then this Sunday, on Easter of all days, the family dog had to be put down.

I wish I had something pithy to say.

Until next week, folks.

Proportional Response (Weekly Update for 4/3-4/9)

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Recent events have been on my mind. Here’s what I posted to Facebook on Friday, when I heard news of Trump’s airstrike on a Syrian base:

Folks, I have some serious misgivings re: the airstrike on a Syrian airbase last night. My own feelings regarding war have become rather complicated in the past couple years. I was, until a couple years ago, a strict pacifist. After a great deal of thought, I adopted a philosophy of “just war theory,” where war is permissible only under certain circumstances, which include self-defense and proportional response to acts of evil (emphasis on “proportional”). Our country has a serious problem with proportional response. Al-Qaeda operatives bombed US targets, killing thousands, on 9/11. In response, we wage war in Afghanistan for almost sixteen years, even after we effectively decapitated Al Qaeda. Then, we invade Iraq on the flimsiest of pretexts – doctored photos of WMDs – that leads to a costly and ongoing engagement. So many civilians and US soldiers have died because we had to super-size our response to real and perceived threats. Last night, in response to the use of chemical weapons, violating international law, by the Assad regime (which has the support of the Russian government), President Trump ordered an airstrike on a military base in Syria. A naive interpretation of this would say that it was a justified, proportional response. But here are the complicating factors:

Weekly Update: 3/27-4/2

Mon, 03 Apr 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I took my first work trip this week, flying to Atlanta to visit our company’s office there. It was a productive and exhausting time, but it had one serious drawback:

Atlanta traffic descended into chaos when a portion of I-85 collapsed due to a fire.

The bridge collapsed on Thursday night. Friday was my departure day. Unfortunately, the office is on one end of the city, and the airport is on the other. With some preparation, and an obscene amount of time stuck in traffic, I made it to my gate in time.

Weekly Update: 3/20-3/26

Sun, 26 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

(CW: weight loss, mental illness)

Saturday afternoon, I posted the following on my Facebook wall:

Heed my lesson on overcommitment: Today, I had three social invitations, but due to distance and time I could only pick one. I settled on going to Tampa Pride. However, I got a surprise at the office yesterday: I’m being sent on a work trip next Wednesday to our Atlanta office. That meant that everything I would be doing next week has to get done this weekend. I’m still not done today. So I’m missing out on Pride, a Rogue One re-watch, and a bouncy house party. All because I promise too much. Ugh.

Weekly Update: 3/13 - 3/19

Mon, 20 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

This was the week where everything had to get done.

Weekly Update: 3/6 - 3/12

Sun, 12 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

(CW: weight loss and dieting)

After the previous week’s chaos, my boss had me take off Monday and Friday this week. Those days off were much needed: I needed a lot of sleep (likely a side-effect of my diet – see below) and my chores had fallen behind. Next week could be a return to the intensity I saw the week before, or it could finally even out.

Weekly Update: 2/27 - 3/5

Mon, 06 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

This has been, in recent memory, the busiest week of my professional career. I spent every workday in crunch mode for a site launch, handling hourly emails of bugs, copy edits, and additions. By Friday I was so brain-fried that I slept for 12+ hours that night.

Oh, but work hasn’t been the half of it, either.

And Now, Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Sun, 26 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

As some might have noticed, I made my Twitter profile private. This is part of a more general withdraw from Twitter as a whole. There are a few reasons for this: 1) I’m sick of spam bots following me and DM-ing me when I follow back, 2) my timeline is reduced to people shouting at each other, and 3) misinformation seems to spread more readily on Twitter alongside the true stuff, which I’ve fallen victim to on occasion.

Since my many (haha!) readers may want to know how my life is going, I’m going to start a weekly update schedule on general life events and observations. I’ll still post occasional essays/rambling screeds on different topics, but the weekly updates will be labelled differently.

In a way, it’s a return to how I blogged when I was on LiveJournal years ago. Of course, my LJ was private, so everything posted here will have to pass the “would I tweet about this?” test.

That said, how’s my life going?

Some Thoughts on Jesus (or, Samsara Revisited)

Mon, 16 Jan 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Not long after I posted about “The Moral Arc of the Universe,” I realized how nihilistic I sounded. There have also been much better explorations of that quote than my own musings. I’ve decided to revisit that quote.

Trump, beyond his personal failings, represents the union of two awful movements: post-modern “truthiness” and 21st-century fascism, aka the “alt-right.” These aren’t merely typical, spectrum-graphed American political positions, but existential threats to a secular, multi-cultural society. “Truthiness,” the warping of truth in the pursuit of entertainment, breaks a belief in objectivity. Fascism punishes the other, either conforming everyone to the same mold or casting them out, metaphorically or literally. Trump, an entertainer, distorts the truth for political power, and allies himself with far-right movements that are reviving xenophobia in the 21st century.

Inposter Syndrome: A Case Study

Tue, 13 Dec 2016 00:00:00 +0000

How many times have I put aside/sorta quit/tried to walk away from writing? I could list practically every other blog I’ve posted here. It was almost six months ago that I wrote “Writing Shouldn’t Hurt”, about how awful the grind had become.

(As it turns out, the short break I took has helped a lot. I recharged my batteries, finished the draft of Altars and Acolytes, and I’m now halfway through a new short story, my first in several years. I also found some success, which I’ll be happy to tell you about when an official announcement is made.)

Samsara

Tue, 06 Dec 2016 00:00:00 +0000

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice. - Theodore Parker, by way of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’m not sure I believe this anymore. It’s a common refrain among my fellow UUs after the events of this year, a reminder that, like love, justice takes time and justice takes work. But I don’t know if there is any inherent moral arc of the universe. God is inscrutable, possessing something beyond our conception of consciousness and morality, so how can we know if our conception of justice fits?

NaNoWriMo 2016: A Post-Mortem

Thu, 01 Dec 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Final count: 17,746 words. I may not have “won” NaNoWriMo this year, but in a larger sense, I accomplished exactly what I wanted.

My draft of Altars and Acolytes, aka Oh, How I Wish Stories Wrote Themselves, is done. Still needs work, but the story’s coherent, it follows an outline, and successive edits won’t be nearly the slog that this draft was. I wrote maybe 13K to get to the end. My plan of throwing out everything and writing the third act from scratch actually worked.

NaNoWriMo 2016 Half-Time Report

Thu, 17 Nov 2016 00:00:00 +0000

As of this morning, I’m just shy of 10,000 words written for Altars and Acolytes, aka Please Just Let Me Finish Writing You: The Erik Gern Story. In any other NaNoWriMo, this would be not-so-great progress, but for this book, it’s been amazing.

The strategy of throwing out my last act and rewriting it from scratch has paid off. The chapters have been substantially easier to write with a strong outline, as I’ve been able to finish about one per day. I still get the luxury of minor course corrections, such as changing the milieu of a scene from Point A to Point B, without worrying if it’s going to slow me down too much.

On Bullies and Cynics

Mon, 14 Nov 2016 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been bullied at all stages of my life. In elementary school, one boy set his sights on me after I ended a phone call early to watch Deep Space Nine. He teased me endlessly. The advice of my stepfather was to punch him. So I did.

He punched back. I didn’t know what to do.

I fell into a bad crowd in high school for a month or two: teenagers who decided to play on my naive, socialized nature. I was almost literally rescued by the theater crowd.

Suffering

Thu, 10 Nov 2016 00:00:00 +0000

This very moment is the intersection of art, faith, and identity.

(CW: suicidal thoughts)

I was devastated by yesterday’s news. I stayed up into the small hours of the morning reading election results. I then dragged myself to work on three hours of sleep, putting on as brave a face as I could (messaging friends with “are you okay?” when I wasn’t at all). Then, after someone replied to one of my Facebook posts with “Oh, now you found your voice!” – as if I hadn’t been telling everyone I know that this result would be a disaster for our country – I lost my resolve.

NaNoWriMo 2016: Yes, We're Doing This

Mon, 07 Nov 2016 00:00:00 +0000

It was Stephen King, in his mandatory book On Writing, that described his writing desk at two stages of his life. Early on, his desk was gigantic, “T-rex sized” as he puts it, in the middle of his writing space. But later, he got a smaller desk, placed it to the side, and filled his room with other things.

Perhaps the best thing that could have happened to my writing was walking away from it. After my output slumped in June, I decided to break from anything that wasn’t paying me (basically, everything but The Daily WTF) and focus on everything else in my life. I had to get rid of the T-rex desk in my own life to get some things in order, but coming back, I realize that writing never left me. It’s always there, no matter how long I break from it. The trick is, as King discovered, not letting writing run your life, but to live as broad a life as possible and still be able to write.

Flexitarian Me, or My Complicated Relationship with Vegetarianism

Tue, 04 Oct 2016 00:00:00 +0000

It was the morning of New Year’s Day 2001. I was riding with my mother through a McDonald’s drive-thru, and she asked what I wanted. “Hash browns,” I replied. I was (and am) a fan of all manner of chicken biscuit sandwiches, but I was on a mission that morning. I had been listening to Moby’s latest CD, and discovered, upon reading the liner notes, that he was a vegan. I decided that, while going vegan would be too much too soon, a vegetarian lifestyle was something I could live with. Never again would I consume the dead flesh of animals.

Just What On Earth Do You DO?

Tue, 20 Sep 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Being multifaceted has some drawbacks. People speak about having exactly one lifelong passion (and jobs sometimes demand this from employees), which doesn’t sit well with me. It’s like the concept of a soul mate, that mythical person that’s perfectly matched to your strengths and weaknesses.

That is to say, it’s equally bollocks.

So what is it that I do?

Theism and Me (or, On Being a Theistic Buddhist)

Fri, 02 Sep 2016 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been cagey about discussing my religious beliefs on this blog, apart from that religious history I posted a few months ago. I’m a Unitarian Universalist, something which I’ve never hidden from anyone, but UU a bucket religion: it carries what you put in it.

Patience: Two Recent Anecdotes

Tue, 02 Aug 2016 00:00:00 +0000

1.

Following a joyful and transformative experience at SUUSI this year, I felt the need to integrate a meditative practice into my lifestyle.

Well, that, and I ate and drank way too much.

Mindful eating is something I’ve never practiced in any seriousness. I’ve always eaten voraciously, practically (and occasionally) inhaling my food. While I’m a snob when it comes to coffee, sushi, and craft soda, most of the time I haven’t cared much about the quality of my food. I’m also an unrepentant grazer.

What I've Believed: A Personal Religious History

Wed, 06 Jul 2016 00:00:00 +0000

2016, besides being the most turbulent year in memory, has heralded a return to my roots. I’ve thought a lot about deep-seated issues: the reasons for what I write and why; my current profession as a web developer; whether my character is as good as I think it is. 2015 was about deconstructing my life to its essentials; 2016 is about starting to rebuild.

For various reasons, I’ve thought a lot about my interior spiritual life. A requirement of membership at my UU church is a description of your childhood beliefs, and I thought it time to try this exercise again.

Why I Won't Vote Green

Tue, 28 Jun 2016 00:00:00 +0000

A few months back, I vowed not to discuss the primary or general presidential election on Facebook. It had a lot to do with the divisive Democratic primary process, with my Hillary friends and my Bernie buds at loggerheads, and an unwillingness to sling any more mud after some testy exchanges. During one exchange, a friend who supported Bernie Sanders said that if Hillary Clinton got the nomination, he would instead vote for Dr. Jill Stein, the presidential candidate for the Green party.

Solely by political orientation, I should be a Green party supporter. I lean far left; I support taking action on climate change; I’m worried about the rate of species extinction; my college major was Environmental Studies.

But no. I will not be voting Green this November.

Proximity

Thu, 23 Jun 2016 00:00:00 +0000

(TW: violence)

Writing Shouldn't Hurt

Tue, 21 Jun 2016 00:00:00 +0000

I turned 31 this year. Given a family history of heart disease, as well as a recent hospitalization in January, my life expectancy is probably less than 78.8 years, which is the most recent estimate for American adults. That gives me 47 more years, at most. Not quite middle age, but well past 1/3.

I’ve been writing “seriously,” by which I mean writing for market, since 2006. That’s 10 years. In that time, I’ve written and submitted 12 short works (short stories, novelettes, etc.) and 5 novels. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but I also wrote half as many unfinished shorts and just as many unfinished novels.

"You Must Choose..." Thoughts on Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Tue, 24 May 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Image: poster for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I have a very complicated relationship with my biological father. My parents divorced early in my life, and I rarely saw my father growing up. We lost touch for nearly a decade, until we reconnected a few years ago after finding each other on Facebook. Personal reasons kept him out of my life (which I won’t discuss here), but meeting him again after I had become an adult was bittersweet.

Frozen Head

Tue, 03 May 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Here’s a scene I wrote tonight for Altars and Acolytes (or whatever the title ends up being). It seems as though I may finally have this draft done by the end of May, after over a year of disassembly and revision. I haven’t edited this scene apart from a couple of misspellings, and I don’t know how well it works out of context. Anyway, enjoy!

We'll Always Have Paris, Bernie

Wed, 16 Mar 2016 00:00:00 +0000

My fling with the democratic socialist from Vermont lasted one month.

Ouroboros of Inadequacy

Fri, 04 Mar 2016 00:00:00 +0000

(Inspired by this exchange.)

The mountain would not come to me,
    So I went to the mountain.
I slogged upstream, wading through the creek.
On the trail, the ground gave way beneath my soles, and I slid.
Climbing up the face, my sweaty palms grasped against handholds without gripping.
But at the top
   The summit fled.

Regret

Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:00:00 +0000

What is regret? The side-effect of opportunity cost.

It was three years ago that I decided to go on vacation in Japan. I had the money, the time off, and a lifelong inclination to do so. I still think about that trip when I catch a photo of some combini on Reddit or a PR event with a mascot in the press.

As it so happened, my Studio Ghibli-inspired Pandora playlist had a track called “Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence” on it. It was a remix on a compilation album called, appropriately, Big in Japan. I think I heard that song dozens of times leading up to, and well after, my stay overseas.

This Isn't Even My Final Form: Thoughts On A Year At 30

Thu, 10 Dec 2015 00:00:00 +0000

To say this year has been trying would be an enormous understatement.

I attempted to get a job with JET, an overseas teaching program run by the government of Japan, and failed. I applied for graduate school, was accepted to several institutions, but had to back out when I suffered an anxiety attack in July. This led to me leaving my job, moving out of my apartment, and applying for a completely different overseas teaching program. I nearly accepted their job offer before I realized that my destiny (and my sanity) both remained in America.

I’ve moved … twice. Once in September, and once just recently. I sold or gave away half of my possessions, which I spoke about a while back. Most of what I had left was in storage for months, which I’m now beginning to carry back into my new living space. I slept on my own floor for several weeks, and a few days just recently.

I also lost NaNoWriMo for a second year in a row, though I made significant progress on a novel during that time.

And yet…

From Gates to Altars: On Naming Things

Fri, 06 Nov 2015 00:00:00 +0000

For this year’s NaNoWriMo project, one hard decision I made was to rename my story. My last title was A Buried Stone Gate, which I changed to Altars and Acolytes. It was hard because the artifact central to the plot, a stone arch hidden in sprawling government land, was called a “gate.” But, it turns out, it wasn’t a gate at all.

NaNoWriMo 2015: The Revenge

Tue, 27 Oct 2015 00:00:00 +0000

This year for National Novel Writing Month, I’m committing a cardinal sin: I’m cheating.

Normally, one starts a novel fresh at the start of the month, writing at least 50,000 words, while using only pre-writing material like outlines, character profiles, etc. (Some of my friends charge in with no plan at all, literally starting from scratch.) I’ve bent the rules a bit my past two attempts, using a story nugget in a much shorter work as the basis for a novel-length draft, but I’d always written 99% of those November words fresh.

Dragon, Leave Your Hoard Behind

Tue, 01 Sep 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Image: cover for Travel Light

For several weeks now I’ve been downsizing, in a few senses of the word. Just recently I began selling my furniture, the pieces that are too big to tote to a donation dropoff or a dumpster. I slept on the floor for the first time in about ten years; in 2005 I volunteered to clean up rural areas in the aftermath of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and I slept on the floor of a fellowship hall then.

Martyrs

Mon, 17 Aug 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been reading Columbine by Dave Cullen, an exhaustive account of the events that took place near Littleton, Colorado in April 1999. This is not a review of that book, as I haven’t finished it and book reviews aren’t my thing. (I don’t like rating books, to be honest.) I’m avoiding names for this post.

Notes on a Card Game

Tue, 04 Aug 2015 00:00:00 +0000

In high school I played a game called Revolution, and as the hipsters would say, you’ve probably never heard of it.

You Are Not A Coward

Thu, 30 Jul 2015 00:00:00 +0000

There’s no such thing as cowardice.

What I mean is that cowardice isn’t a personality trait. No one’s actually a coward. No one’s “yellow-bellied” through-and-through. It’s not some mark of Cain, a permanent facet of oneself. Cowardice is momentary, oftentimes a symptom of something else that needs to be addressed.

Telepathy

Tue, 28 Jul 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I’m currently re-reading On Writing, Stephen King’s blunt, intimate account of his writing career and philosophy. It’s a perennial favorite of mine, half-autobiography and half-style guide.

His definition of writing was transformative when I first read it almost ten years ago. “What Writing Is,” he declares:

Telepathy, of course.

He’s right. But I think it only applies to words on a page/screen.

There’s a theory in neurolinguistics (which I am no expert in) which states that language is closely tied to our thinking patterns. Polyglots will exhibit different neural scans when thinking in different languages. So, speak a different language, think differently.

Head Over Heels

Mon, 27 Jul 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I left my job earlier this month, something I’ve kept quiet for several weeks. It was for a multitude of reasons, but the most pertinent for this discussion was this: a need for personal autonomy. In other words, I want to pick who I work for and what I give them.

And right now, I only want to work for myself.

I’m lucky. I have valuable skills, so I could get an office job if I wanted to. I had also saved some money, despite a minor financial crisis, so living a non-extravagant lifestyle I can survive for a few months. I’ve been downsizing. I’m selling things I don’t need or giving them away.

The Conflicted Pacifist

Mon, 29 Jun 2015 00:00:00 +0000

One of my favorite quotes is by Isaac Asimov, from the first Foundation novel: “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” In a single sentence, he encapsulates much of my belief as a pacifist. People become violent when they run out of options, when all other avenues of recourse – argument, the judicial system, the political process – are closed to them. Violence should always be the last, somber resort, and should never be glorified. It’s a philosophy I try to embody in my writing.

I first came in touch with the modern peace movement about fifteen years ago, around the same time I joined the Unitarian Universalist (UU) church. There’s a great deal of overlap and bidirectional influence between the church and the movement, although UU is not explicitly pacifist. Given UU’s liberal Christian roots (along with the Quakers), it’s no surprise that many UUs are also pacifists.

Despite my personal philosophy, there’s a vast gulf between myself and the modern pacifist movement. I don’t feel that the peace movement has done any good, definitely not since Operation Iraqi Freedom, and may have hurt its own cause.

Afraid to Lose (the Weight)

Sat, 16 May 2015 00:00:00 +0000

How happy are you with your body?

I have never been happy with mine. I’ve always been “lumpy,” as one doctor described me in high school. I was even “husky” at one point, that awkward category for slightly-larger-than-average preteen boys.

But recently I’ve felt more uncomfortable with my body than I ever have.

Rediscovering Narnia

Wed, 06 May 2015 00:00:00 +0000

Can I tell you a secret?

Starbucks: A Breakup Letter

Fri, 24 Apr 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t remember when we first met, but I think it was in college. When I lived in a rural town in Tennessee, a friend remarked that the recent opening of a Starbucks cafe meant that we finally lived in civilization. You were in Barnes and Noble, in Target, in airports and malls. It was such a surprise when you began opening drive-thru, free-standing cafes. You are such a success.

Twine: Some Impressions

Thu, 16 Apr 2015 00:00:00 +0000

For someone who likes both writing and programming, it took me a long time to try out interactive fiction. See, I love prose fiction, and I enjoy narrative-heavy video games (such as Gone Home or Heavy Rain), but in-between was a no-man’s land. I never cared for text-based adventure games, and visual novels (not to be confused with graphic novels) didn’t have much appeal.

So it was with some reluctance that I tried out Twine. It’s designed to mimic the “choose your own adventure” books of yesteryear, using HTML as a compile target. Creating something like this had tickled my brain occasionally, but I didn’t want to take the time to build an entire engine from scratch. Luckily, someone had already done that.

Thoughts on a Writer's Block

Sat, 21 Feb 2015 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been blocked since November last year. I was in the middle of NaNoWriMo. For a couple days, I locked myself in my bedroom, faced my laptop, and tried to will out the words onto the screen. After this failed, I decided to take a break and work on other things, such as what I’ll be doing for work in 2015.

Since then, it’s been difficult to write blog posts and journal entries, much less fiction. I’ve had a break today, though. I thought that one problem might be my environment. I had been cutting sugar lately and trying not to spend too much money in coffee shops, and at the same time my writing output was negligible. So I gave myself a break, hit up the bookstore, bought some chai tea, and prayed I be able to write anything.

January Tidings

Tue, 27 Jan 2015 00:00:00 +0000

How have I started off 2015? By applying to graduate school.

Despite my earlier reticence, I’m moving forward with seeking a suitable Masters program, one with an emphasis on practical computer programming. Mostly this means not applying for a vanilla Computer Science curriculum, given that two years of theory won’t help my job prospects after graduation. I’ve been programming professionally for years now, and I want a program that complements my existing skills, not one that ignores them.

On Endings, Both Years and Other Things

Mon, 29 Dec 2014 00:00:00 +0000

2014 is nearly gone. Good riddance.

I wonder if this year was good for anybody at all, apart from a certain status quo in the halls of power. For me, it wasn’t so great on either a personal level or a national level. I’ve been dragging myself through the weeds most of this year, getting out of some toxic relationships and trying to find my muse again.

Oh, writer’s block? “Blocked” doesn’t begin to cover it. More like “buried under the debris of that tunnel you saw the light at the end of.” That’s another story.

Back to Privet Drive, or Life After Viable Paradise

Fri, 10 Oct 2014 00:00:00 +0000

(I attended Viable Paradise in 2012. Here’s some advice to this year’s writers, to be read after you finish.)

Writing is an Act of Faith

Mon, 25 Aug 2014 00:00:00 +0000

George R. R. Martin once divided writers into two camps: architects, those who obsessively plan everything in detail, and gardeners, those who plant seeds in nourishing soil and hope for the best.

Marking Up with Markdown

Mon, 28 Jul 2014 00:00:00 +0000

Since I began using computers in the early nineties, I’ve gone through five different word processors: DeskMate, AppleWorks, NeoOffice, OpenOffice, and LibreOffice. I’ve shuffled through as many computers and operating systems, from DOS to Mac OS X. I know – very well – the pain of incompatible file formats, starting in college when my professors sent me commented Word documents that AppleWorks couldn’t read.

Facebook and the Fear of Missing Out

Tue, 15 Jul 2014 00:00:00 +0000

I’m taking some time off from Facebook.

Independence Day Rant Time!

Sun, 06 Jul 2014 00:00:00 +0000

As an American, one shouldn’t need reminding of the civil liberties that we enjoy. Ostensibly, we as citizens read the Constitution in school, either in Civics or U.S. Government, and each amendment in the Bill of Rights is picked clean apart.

Well, no, it turns out that some people, such as one Roy Moore, still need reminding after all.

That's Not The Red Pill: MRAs and the Matrix

Tue, 03 Jun 2014 00:00:00 +0000

Something really pissed me off this morning. I was reading a Cracked article about some hard truths of the so-called Men’s Rights Advocates (or MRAs). One of the affiliated forums on Reddit (called subreddits) is r/TheRedPill, which advocates some hard-line misogyny.

Greetings from Revisionland

Thu, 29 May 2014 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve just waded into a long, waist-deep stream of revisions to my YA novel, The Red Flood. After some lackluster feedback from agents and a thorough critique by my friend Alison, I decided to pull it and bring it back to the workbench.

The Red Flood is about two young women, on the run from a paramilitary group, trying to survive on a hostile planet. Things become more complicated when they discover the group that caused the environmental catastrophe on their world – and a way to save what’s left.

"Hey! I'm not dead yet!"

Thu, 03 Apr 2014 00:00:00 +0000

My arm continues to heal from the fall I took in late February, but I’ve recovered enough to type normally again. Most normal activities are possible now, except for carrying heavy objects or scratching my back.

I’m revising a short story I wrote a year and a half ago, a horror tale that’s deeply personal. I’ve taken long between drafts than I have any other story, taken longer to get the emotional distance needed. I’m splitting time between this and my Daily WTF articles, short pieces that don’t overtax my arm or wrist.

My AuthorQuest Submission: Outcasts of the Dark Crystal

Tue, 11 Mar 2014 00:00:00 +0000

While my arm continues to heal and I continue to type very poorly, I thought I’d share a treat.

The results of the Dark Crystal AuthorQuest contest were released last week. Judges picked five finalists and twenty-five editors’ picks from a pool of 500 submissions.

My submission, Outcasts of the Dark Crystal . . . wasn’t picked.

Hiatus

Sun, 02 Mar 2014 00:00:00 +0000

On hiatus. I’m currently recovering from arm surgery, so I won’t be around as much as I had hoped. I’ll post updates as things progress.

Returning Again, or I'm Back!

Thu, 20 Feb 2014 00:00:00 +0000

I write this from a large, one-bedroom apartment in Tampa. After weeks of packing boxes, reserving moving equipment, enlisting friends, and worrying a path in my floor, I finished my move.

Periods of transition are ripe for flights of fancy, from my experience. I think that’s what attracts me to writing: I love pretending to be something else. This time, it was a fantasy of moving abroad to teach English, something many of my friends have done.

Moving in Meat Space

Wed, 08 Jan 2014 00:00:00 +0000

I’ll be scarce around here for a month or so as I move into a new apartment. I’ve detested moving ever since childhood, when my family once moved three times in a single year, and I’m not looking forward to the act itself. However, my new digs are closer to work, giving me more spare time for writing and other geeky activities.

In the meantime, I’ll be writing a draft of a middle grade story I’ve toyed around with for a couple years, along with weeks of packing and paperwork.

2013: My Year of Awkward Transitions

Wed, 18 Dec 2013 00:00:00 +0000

This year saw me at my most uncomfortable.

Fun with Word Clouds

Thu, 12 Dec 2013 00:00:00 +0000

One of my worst tendencies as a writer is to rely too much on simple and weak vocabulary. Often I’ll address this in later drafts, when the emphasis is on improving the language moreso than the plot. One of the best ways to see your own usage patterns is to use a word cloud service to visualize often-repeated words.

On Secrecy

Mon, 18 Nov 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been mostly silent for the past month or so. Part of this was my trip to Japan, having been too busy to update. Part of this is due to some work issues (I work for a government contractor, and the shutdown messed up our entire project schedule this year.)

However, mostly it’s because I’m working on some project I won’t discuss.

Not a Travelogue, Only a Mission Statement

Mon, 04 Nov 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Image: The bamboo grove in Arashiyama, near Kyoto

I woke up a little past midnight this morning. Since arriving from Japan a few days ago, the time difference hasn’t been kind on my working habits. I’ve woken up at 3 or 4 AM, read blogs and written, and showered before dawn has even started.

I’ve thought about how to write a post-trip update. I don’t care for travelogues; my friends write them often after their own vacations, but it’s too dry a format for me. I prefer impressions, but too much happened in two weeks to summarize nicely.

I’ve had some frustrations since my return. Besides my flip-flopped sleeping habits, the weather here is much warmer and more humid, the land flatter, the buildings shorter, the people inhospitable impolite. Getting around is comparatively more difficult. On the other hand, understanding what everyone says, and being able to read every street sign or piece of literature, is some compensation.

No, I won’t be writing a 4,000-word travelogue, or a week-long series of essays about things I learned on the trip (although I considered that!). Instead, here’s one thing I decided, with what I encountered or learned that led me to this.

Going to Japan. Be Back Later.

Wed, 16 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I’ll be sporadically out of touch for the next couple weeks, as I spend time exploring a beautiful and complex country. Oh, and riding many, many trains.

This is my first time overseas, but not the first time for members of my family. I never had an opportunity to go when I was younger, as the programs offered by my high school were too expensive, and I didn’t qualify for those at my last college. I spent a very long time saving money for this kind of trip, as well as the past twelve months planning and paying for it. Suffice it to say: it’s been a long time coming.

Character vs. Plot Complexity

Sun, 13 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Is it justified to complain about simple plots anymore?

I’m referring to criticism leveled at, most recently, Pacific Rim and Gravity. In years past, film such as Lost in Translation were argued to have thin or even no plot at all.

More Thoughts on Dark Crystal's AuthorQuest

Thu, 10 Oct 2013 00:00:00 +0000

After a few months of reflection, I may have been too harsh on the contest. (Here’s the updated page, including the submission form, which is open through the end of the year.)

True, the terms are still pretty bad, especially if you don’t win first place and the coveted publication spot. Royalties should always be part of an author’s compensation, and there ought to be some kind of monetary compensation for the runners-up whose work gets published on DarkCrystal.com.

When the Sword of Damocles Disappears

Mon, 23 Sep 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve been taking St. John’s Wort for three months.

Some Thoughts on Miyazaki's Retirement

Fri, 06 Sep 2013 00:00:00 +0000

This past weekend, Hayao Miyazaki announced his retirement, following the end of production on his latest work, The Wind Rises.

I’ve spoken – at great, unrelenting length – about my admiration for Miyazaki’s work. I’m especially fond of his thematic content: the futility of war, a need for respect and worship of nature, and a need for female as well as male heroes.

However, if there’s one lesson I took closest to heart, it’s this, in his own words:

State of the Drafts, Labor Day Edition

Fri, 30 Aug 2013 00:00:00 +0000

(Or pre-Labor Day, in this case!)

Most of my time the past few months has been spent editing A Buried Stone Gate, aka A Buried Stone Arch, aka That Misshapen NaNoWriMo Novel From Last Year. However, I have had time to edit a couple stories.

I also wrote a peculiar series for The Daily WTF, based on a multi-part submission, and partly inspired by ninjitsu in pop culture and The Book of Five Rings. I’ll be sure to post links here when it’s up.

I Don't Know What I Want

Thu, 22 Aug 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I have a conundrum. First, some backstory, which I shall infodump below, and then the crux of the matter.

I Know What I Want

Thu, 22 Aug 2013 00:00:00 +0000

And it’s not grad school. I can teach myself everything I need for my job.

Now, I have stories to write.

Right Story, Wrong Time

Fri, 09 Aug 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Can a story really be too topical or contemporary?

I’ve been shopping around a cyberpunk short story called “Brain Bombs” to various markets. I wrote the first draft about a year and a half ago, inspired by people I knew years ago who were involved with the ELF. I wanted to know how such individuals would operate in a scenario that genre readers are more familiar with.

I put the story away for a while, then revised and prepped it for critique on the Codex forums. A day before I planned to give it to Codex members, the Boston Marathon bombing happened.

Moving Past NaNoWriMo, or When Your Novel is like the Washington Monument

Tue, 23 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Image Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Washington_Monument_Dusk_Jan_2006.jpg

I had an unpleasant epiphany a few days ago.

I had begun editing my NaNoWriMo novel from last year, now titled A Buried Stone Gate. I noticed a marked difference in writing style, pacing, and intensity in my manuscript right around the 50K word mark. The half written in November was plotted more slowly, with more tangents to edit; the latter half, written in spurts in December and finally finished in January of this year, is more judiciously written and far tighter, but missing a large chunk of the story.

I knew my novel would be about twice the size of the NaNoWriMo word count requirement, and that I couldn’t finish it in a month, so I set a deadline for December 31. However, after finishing the first 50,000 words, I had severe burnout, and I could only write 500 words a day for most of December. My pace picked back up in January to around 1K/day.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Conclusions

Wed, 10 Jul 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“The concept of portraying evil and then destroying it […] is rotten. This idea that whenever something evil happens someone particular can be blamed and punished for it, in life and in politics, is hopeless.” – Hayao Miyazaki

Here are my final thoughts on Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, including some nit-picking and how my enjoyment of the series has changed over time.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 7

Wed, 26 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“A life is a life, regardless of how it comes into being.” - Nausicaä, volume 7, p. 133

In this installment I examine volume 7, the conclusion of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, and discuss the theme of the book: judgment.

Note: I discuss ending spoilers for the entire series. You have been warned!

Why I'm Not Participating in the Dark Crystal AuthorQuest Contest

Thu, 20 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

My first thought was, “Oh my God, I could get paid to write Dark Crystal tie-in fiction!”

This is no small matter. The Dark Crystal is, completely unqualified, my favorite movie. It got me hooked on genre stories from a very early age, and it’s been a touchstone for when I need to remember why I write in the first place. The worldbuilding, characters, and that peculiar Jim Henson touch make it fun, even if the pacing is sloppy and the main character a bit dull.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 6

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“My clan knows how to live by sharing the burden of suffering. We can teach you the way. Choose love over hatred.” - Nausicaä, Volume 6, p. 131

This time we explore volume 6 of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind and touch briefly on Miyazaki’s treatment of religious practice. As this is the penultimate volume of the manga, spoilers abound.

Visiting the Barrens: A Narrative Review of It by Stephen King

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 00:00:00 +0000

This is, obviously, a work of fan fiction. The character “Erik” is my own; all other characters are property of Stephen King.

At first it sounded like a Redhill Crane.

I was taking a walk one hot summer afternoon in the woods outside my apartment complex. I had finished reading Stephen King’s novel It a few hours earlier, wondering what to make of this lengthy, thought-provoking book, when I heard it. I left the gravel road and headed into the scrub pine.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 5

Wed, 29 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“. . .It looks like the day is coming when the living will envy the dead, doesn’t it?” - Kushana, Volume 5, p. 49

In this installment, I cover the fifth (and my personal favorite) volume of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind and talk about Miyazaki’s interpretation of the Cold War. SPOILERS, as always.

The Humanity Test

Fri, 24 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“You’ve heard of animals chewing off a leg to escape a trap? There’s an animal kind of trick. A human would remain in the trap, endure the pain, feigning death that he might kill the trapper and remove a threat to his kind.” - Dune, Frank Herbert

A young boy is led into a room, where a powerful old crone awaits. She commands him to put his hand inside a box, saying that if he removes it she’ll inject him with a lethal poison. He complies. The boy’s hand burns inside, but he keeps the hand inside, because the pinprick at his throat would kill him if he removes it. Finally, the agony stops. He pulls out his hand. . .

And it’s perfectly fine.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 4

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“Our god of the wind tells us to live! I love life! The light, the sky, people, the insects, I love them all!” - Nausicaä, Volume 4, p. 85

In this installment, I examine volume 4 of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, and talk a little about the role telepathy plays in the series.

(Note: spoilers from here on out!)

What I've Learned Writing for The Daily WTF

Thu, 16 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve described writing IT stories for The Daily WTF, on more than one occasion, as akin to writing hard science fiction. Hard, in this case, means scientifically accurate, with some flexibility for storytelling (otherwise, it’s just realistic fiction!). You’re bound to the way that computers work – just as there’s no faster-than-light travel in hard SF, you can’t make a computer catch a human virus (unless you try really hard.) However, you can create fictional companies, even make up a computer application or two, so long as it could happen in real life.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 3

Tue, 07 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“Take a good look, Nausicaä! This is war!” - Kurotowa, Volume 3, p. 64

In this installment, I cover the events of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind volume 3, containing both a compelling war story and a nuanced argument for pacifist and ecofeminist values.

You Don't Know What You'll Write Until You Write It

Thu, 02 May 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Or: don’t name the car until you’ve bought it.

I won’t be working on that Otherkin project this year. In my post on the subject a few months back, I said that I wanted to write about it in some fictionalized form, and that’s still true. But I don’t yet know how I should. Should there be genre elements? Should it be a semi-fictional memoir? Short form? Long form? Until I can answer those questions to my satisfaction, I can’t make any progress on it. It’s just not ready.

New Short Story and Another Daily WTF

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

My story “The Blue Stain of Piracy” is live on Garbled Transmissions! Also, “Manual Time Entry” was posted to The Daily WTF a week ago. Go check them out!

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: The Movie

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“We prefer the ways of the water and the wind.” – Old man, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

In this installment, I review the animated adaptation of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, the film that was the genesis of Studio Ghibli.

Six Months Since Paradise

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

On October 7th, 2012, roughly six months ago, I arrived in Martha’s Vineyard by ferry (a liminal experience, uncle Jim would later explain). Two young, friendly staff members, Chris and Bart, drove me to the hotel, the Island Inn, checked me in, and led me to the common room where everywhere (minus some latecomers) had gathered.

So began the weeklong workshop/crash course in poker/liminal experience known as Viable Paradise.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 2

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“It’s a mistake to believe that war only happens to other countries.” - Asbel, p. 23

In this installment, I’ll talk about volume 2 of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, the one where Nausicaä rescues a baby Ohmu and a Torumekian army from an Ohmu stampede.

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Volume 1

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“. . . In this harsh world of ours, the sparrow must live like a hawk if he is to fly at all.” - King Jhil, p. 24

In this installment, I’ll be covering volume 1 of the Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind manga. (Nota bene: I’m using VIZ’s Editor’s Choice edition, which is roughly analogous to the Japanese collected volumes.)

An Appreciation of Nausicaä: Introduction

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Image source: Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hayao_Miyazaki.jpg

Chances are, if you haven’t heard of Hayao Miyazaki, you’ve seen at least one of his films. His film Spirited Away won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in 2003. That film, along with most of his catalog produced at Studio Ghibli, has been licensed and distributed by Disney in the United States. Animation legend John Lasseter of Pixar cites him as an undeniable influence on the industry.

But if it weren’t for a manga published in Animaze in 1983, he may not have found such success.

You're Never Done

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Another Daily WTF article up: “SELECTing Valid SQL.” I used up my single Joss Whedon reference card this time, yet I’m also getting flack for including a Lord of the Rings reference as well. Such is life.

I finished my rewrite of The Red Flood last Saturday. I started in early February; overall, I estimate I took 45 days, working 2 hours each day. Besides a couple of substantial storyline changes, I also cleaned up a lot of the action and did some line editing. It’s turning into a proper novel, and while it’s not the most ambitious at 55,000 words, it’s the tightest story I’ve written so far.

Easy Prophecy

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“The prophecy didn’t say anything about this!” “Prophets don’t know everything!” –Jen and Kira, the Dark Crystal

I saw Oz the Great and Powerful this weekend. It was an enjoyable but very problematic movie. While I won’t get into the sexism present throughout the movie, I’d like to talk about one plot device in particular that I just can’t stand anymore: easy prophecy.

Within two minutes of our protagonist landing in a forest in Oz, he is approached by Theodora, Witch of the West. “Are you the wizard the prophecy foretold?” she asks. Oz, played lovingly smarmy by James Franco, smiles. “Yes, I am your wizard.”

Newest TGWTF Post: "The Right Way to Find a File"

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“The Right Way to Find a File.” Don’t use toddler logic in your code, people. You can read it here.

Rewriting, New TDWTF Article, and What's Next for the Blog

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I’m halfway through my major revisions on The Red Flood, formerly known as Dahlia, my YA SF novel. I’m doing both story changes and line edits, with a focus on the former, as I can pick up any miscreant adjectives in another polish. I had hoped to finish by the end of this month, but it looks more likely that I’ll be done sometime around mid-March.

I also have a new The Daily WTF article, with a groaner of a pun in the story: “A CSV is as Good as RAM, Right?”

The Daily WTF: Internet.toLowercase

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

“Internet.toLowerCase.” A developer learns the hard way that parsing HTML is no walk in the park. You can read it here.

A UU Perspective on Utopian Storytelling

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I had a very startling experience at a church service recently.

New TDWTF Article: "Human Heat Sink"

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

A computer catches a human virus. You can read it here.

State of the Drafts, Early February 2013

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000

I meant to post at the end of January, but got delayed by, well, you’ll see.

Daily WTF Post: "De-Populate Dates"

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

A most curious way of creating date strings. You can read it here.

Don't Name Your Character Handee

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

No, seriously, don’t.

On Sunday I completed the first draft for The Coral Gate. I really enjoyed writing it, despite the time it took to finish (81 days!). There were genuine moments of wonder, fear, and humor as I was writing.

There were also the occasional flubs.

It was bad enough that I decided to name one character Simon. After writing “…Simon said” for the twelfth time, I was about ready to murder Simon with that giant wasp I added to the story. (It makes sense in context.) His name makes sense, though – he’s not enough of a rock to be Peter, so he’s still Simon until he gets some character growth. And I can add “Simon said” as an in-joke in-story to make it work, if it comes to that.

Daily WTF Post: "ISO is for LOSERS"

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

On Schwarzenegger, ISO country codes, and a giant crazy corkboard. Read it here.

The Daily WTF Submission: "King Tutankhamun"

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

In September, the IT humor site The Daily WTF took applications for potential contributors. I submitted the following story, “King Tutankhamun,” to their editorial staff as part of my application. They enjoyed it. I’ll be contributing regularly to the site, starting around February 1st.

Here’s the original call for submissions, which includes the core WTF that inspired the story.

Steven’s legs wobbled as he leaned against the service counter at one of FruitTech’s premiere retail stores. He glanced around the store, looking for his supervisor Brenda to relieve him for the union-mandated fifteen-minute break. Just as he found her, he spotted an old man push open the glass doors, carrying a black trash bag under his arm.

“I have a warranty!” The old man shouted, anticipating what he thought would be his first question. It wasn’t even Steven’s sixth.

State of the Drafts, December 2012

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

People have asked me what I’m working on, and I have had no easy answer to give them. Unlike some writers, I never have just one plate spinning at any given time. So, I’ve decided to do a (probably) monthly write-up on what stories I’m working on. Also, consider this a response to the “Next Big Thing” meme going around. (Note: ~ designates a word count goal)

I Wrote an Interactive E-Book!

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Or co-wrote, rather.

GSL Solutions, where I work as a web developer, just launched an interactive storybook about UXO (unexploded ordnance) safety. It was created in partnership with USA Environmental, Inc. and the South Atlantic District of the US Army Corps of Engineers. I was the developer and a co-writer, working with the founder (who developed the storyline) and designer to make the book fun to read.

Here’s the press release, with links to download the book from Apple Store or Google Play.

Among Otherkin

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I like to think my fiction isn’t as self-confessional as other writers’ (I mean, I didn’t write Misery, for better or worse), but there’s way too much of me in what I write that my flaws and quirks are close to the surface. Oh, you’re a neo-pagan now, Erik? You should get on that post-apocalyptic fantasy with wiccan-inspired supernatural entities. Oh, you’re a big string theory nut? Wrap a story around that and no one will notice. (Except you, dear reader. Whoops!) Oh, you like koans? Sorry, your readers don’t.

Well, it’s all fuel for the fire.

One log that refuses to burn, however, is my prior involvement, and continuing fascination, with the Otherkin community. One step above Furries on the geek subculture hierarchy, Otherkin believe that they are non-human souls – such as elves, trolls, and vampires – animating human bodies.

NaNoWriMo 2012: A Short Victory Lap

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Word Count: 50079

I passed over the 50K threshold Tuesday night. After a 10K three-day weekend, I decided that I could get over the finish line in a day or so. Monday, I wrote about 2K, and Tuesday I wrote about 3K. You can view my stats here. This is my third NaNoWriMo win.

I’m not done yet.

I’m a little over halfway through my (constantly changing) outline, and my target word count is 90,000. After a day or two off, I’ll be writing about 1,000 words a day, which should let me finish The Coral Gate sometime in mid-January.

NaNoWriMo 2012, Week 3: Thanksgiving Eve Edition

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Word Count: 35,060

And now I’m in the doldrums.

The problem isn’t the story – it’s chugging along quite merrily, in fact. Up until now, the issue has been time. My social engagements, exercise, and work had effectively slimmed down my remaining free time to just enough to keep on pace. On Sunday, I slipped a day behind, and through some determination (and something I’ll mention below) rebounded back to par. Luckily, the past few days have been much less intense.

NaNoWriMo 2012, Week 2

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Total words: 25,163

I feel like I just had a second week 1.

I’m a third of the way into my outline at best (but probably closer to a quarter). The usual NaNoWriMo compositional narrative runs thus: strong wind through week 1, duldrums in week 2, a slow sail back to the tradewinds in week 3, and a mad rush to the finish in week 4. I’m still riding the strong winds.

NaNoWriMo 2012, Week 1

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Total: 14,065 words

Start-to-date average: 2,009 words/day

There’s always the urge to push far ahead in the first week, knowing things will get dire around week 2 or 3. I’ve been most successful when my word counts have kept consistent below a certain threshold (usually around 2,000 words a day). When I began Those Who Favor Fire, I was writing around 4,000 words a day, and I burned out. Things got a bit dicey a few days ago, when I had to write 3,000 words/day so I could take Election Day off. My brain felt like mush when I finished.

NaNoWriMo 2012: Quick Thoughts at the Beginning

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Once again, I have decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month. This will be my fifth year participating, and an anticipated third win, should I make it to 50,000 words by December 1.

This year’s project will be The Coral Gate, a rural, modern-day fantasy set in backwoods Tennessee. “Lily Mason and her family discover a red stone arch near a national laboratory in rural Tennessee; soon, creatures appear from the arch, and not all of them are friendly or benign.” It’s a concept I’ve toyed with this year: writing a portal/parallel worlds fantasy that doesn’t feel like every other one out there. I’ve also wanted to write a fantasy series that takes place around Roane County, where I spent part of my childhood and early adulthood.

WWP for October 31, 2012

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

The road goes ever On and on … on and on … for One thousand pages.

(With apologies to Tolkien!)

Conflict Balance, or Can You Write a SF Siddharta?

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I love internal conflict.

Is there a God? Should I save my friends or pursue the ways of the Force? Are pirates really the way to go, or am I really a member of the ninja clan?

Internal conflict drives many literary novels. Herman Hesse’s Siddharta is an exploration of spiritual identity; Jonathan Livingston Seagull is a quest for meaning. Done well, it can move a reader to tears.

But it’s very difficult to do in genre fiction. The market expects a minimum dose of external conflict, something outside the characters’ heads to invest in. You really can’t write the SF Siddharta. But there are other ways to play.

WWP for October 17, 2012

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Across the water, Returned from the underworld, move forward again.

(Edit: too many syllables)

Erik Attends Viable Paradise, Days 6 and 7

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

The denouement of any story should provide a sense of closure and emotional resolution, resolving any outstanding conflicts. Deviations from this pattern, such as in Neon Genesis Evangelion or Lost, are often met with disappointment or hostility from the audience.

But this blog isn’t a narrative. It’s a series of impressions, a stream-of-consciousness travelogue attempting to describe an experience in terms of its emotional impact rather than – and in fact, studiously avoiding – factual events.

Erik Attends Viable Paradise, Days 4 and 5

Fri, 12 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Eventually, it becomes impossible to describe something so intensely personal, or a shared experience, without ruining the magic. I can only show the silhouette of the thing against the sun.

Wednesday morning I slept in, my sleep deprivation and nascent cold catching up with me. We had the last of our critique groups that morning. The quality of my critiques had slipped a bit, not least because I was having trouble staying awake in the best of circumstances.

Erik Attends Viable Paradise, Days 2 and 3

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Monday

I awoke at 5:30 AM. My mind slogged while I rummaged for clothes to wear in the dark, my roommate still asleep next to me. I checked the clock again: 5:54. I nearly stumbled as I finished getting ready and made it outside to the driveway in front of the building where we all are staying.

I met six other students standing outside in the cold and dark, waiting. Soon, JIm MacDonald emerged from the building, wearing his tan wide-brimmed hat. We set off for the edge of Edgartown, a mile and a half away.

Erik Attends Viable Paradise: Day 1

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

I awoke this morning from the only good night’s rest I’ll get for the rest of the week.

My feet hung from the foot of the bed, the comforter twisted around me. The regular size twin beds in the guestroom aren’t quite long enough for my almost-six-foot height. I get out of bed, brush up, and check my intense backlog of RSS reader items while my roommates awake.

The conversation soon turns to writing philosophies. One of us wrote a semi-religious short story inspired by Buddhist imagery; the other has had multiple sales in magazines and anthologies. I can’t help but be envious. This guy clearly has his shit together, while I feel like I’m barely keeping up with the conversation some of the time.

Erik Attends Viable Paradise: Day 0*

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

In my convoluted travel itinerary to get to Martha’s Vineyard without flying directly to the island, I forgot one important fact:

Travel is exhausting.

Let’s start with the, um, start. My flight was scheduled to leave at 9 AM from Tampa International. I give myself two hours to pick up my ticket, get through security, and find my gate whenever I fly. It’s always seemed a bit excessive, given how close some of my friends cut it when they fly.

Erik Attends Viable Paradise: Introduction

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Earlier this year, I applied to the workshop Viable Paradise, held annually at Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts.

When I was accepted in May, I thought there had been a mistake.

I have no published works under my name. I’ve finished two novels, completed a rough draft of a third, and the half-formed bodies of half a dozen lay about my hard drive like unfinished ship models. My education in composition and literary analysis is best described as “self-taught”: apart from Composition I and II in college, I’ve relied on reading dozens of how-to books in writing, as well as practicing the craft itself. No, I thought, I couldn’t be ready. I couldn’t be good enough to be taught by two of the best editors in the industry and a half dozen wonderful authors.

WWP for October 3rd, 2012

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Zeno’s paradox, Creeping to both things dreaded And things beloved.

Why You Should Do NaNoWriMo

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

In just over a month, I will be participating for the fifth time in National Novel Writing Month, a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel during November. I wrote the entirety of Herald of Change during my first NaNoWriMo, and half of Those Who Favor Fire in my second (both books are looking for publishing homes). I completed the rough draft of Dahlia last year as well. Many published authors, such as Mary Robinette Kowal, participate, and the website posts pep talks by other prominent authors encouraging participants to finish.

WWP for September 26, 2012

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Red sunset dying Against the canal waters; I continue on.

A Cool Thing

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Brandon Sanderson, epic fantasy writer, taught a writing class last year. His lectures are available online in video form; I’ve watched about half of them so far. If you’re familiar with Writing Excuses, he covers a lot of the basics that you might find helpful, including both craft and business topics.

We're Back!

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

After forgetting this blog for over a year and getting flagged as a malicious site, I performed some maintenance and got it up and running again. Expect fewer essays and more stream-of-consciousness posts about nerdy shit.

Also, comments are turned off until further notice. I just don’t have the time or patience to moderate.

WWP for August 24, 2011

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

A man aflame in The fervor of the divine Is a burning bush.

Fall of the House of Stark: Some Thoughts on A Song of Ice and Fire So Far

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Image source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:George_R_R_Martin_2011_Shankbone_2.JPG

(This is part 6 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin. Read prior posts here.)

(Series spoilers ahead!) In my review of Game of Thrones a few months ago, I noted that the series was about the fall of the Stark family, how good intentions can lead to ruin. But in reading the rest of the series, I discovered it’s not about the Starks at all, although members of that family figure prominently in the plot. No, the series is about the need for realistic, sometimes cynical decision-making in a world with no room for error, but the defining moment isn’t when Ned Stark loses his head.

It’s when Robert Baratheon slayed Rhaegar Targaryen.

WWP for August 17, 2011

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Polenta, my polenta. You don’t go out by yourself. Friends make you more fun.

WWP for August 10, 2011

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Tampa is flooded. Cars ford inundated streets Like urban rivers.

Fall of the House of Stark, Part 5: A Dance With Dragons

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

(This is part 5 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.)

George R. R. Martin faced a difficult problem when he finished A Feast for Crows. He had written a significant portion of his next book – A Dance with Dragons – from the leftovers from Feast, but it wasn’t coming together. He faced the task of rewriting the unpublished half of a popular published book, breaking nothing in the existing narrative while improving the story.

This is why it took six years to finish.

Martin’s entire series is is a hydra: for every plot head he cuts off, another three take its place. A Dance with Dragons doesn’t cover much more ground than A Feast for Crows – mostly that already told in the last book – but makes up for it in the sheer breadth of character interaction and story continuity.

It is also about characters forced out of their depth. Adept chessmaster Tyrion Lannister becomes powerless; would-be child conquerer Daenerys Targeryen must learn to rule; and idealist Jon Snow learns the price of compromise in Westeros.

WWP for August 3, 2011

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The wave crashed at my feet upon the beach, Leaving nothing but a sodden shadow. The ocean has gifts for supplicants each, But none for me, except for a wave’s bow.

Fall of the House of Stark, Part 4: A Feast for Crows

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

(This is part 4 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.)

Back when I reviewed A Game of Thrones, I likened the series A Song of Ice and Fire to a television show, given Martin’s experience in showrunning. If that’s so, then A Feast for Crows feels like a season abbreviated by a writer’s strike: some excellent leadup, including exploration of two intriguing characters we’ve only witnessed second-hand, but with the series’ most popular characters left out for the sequel. But it also covers excellent ground, scarce explored previously. This is a book about a loss of identity, and what happens when peasant revolt and religious fervor mix.

WWP for July 28, 2011

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

What you sow is What you reap. Blowing kisses In your sleep.

(A day late and a dollar short, sorry!)

Weekly Wednesday Poem for July 20, 2011

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Me asleep on you. Longing, I dream tonight of You asleep on me.

Be a Geek and a Jock

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

A friend of mine in college once contrasted Russell Crowe and Vin Diesel. One, she said, was great actor but a horrible human being; the other was a great human being but a horrible actor. The point was that the ideal actor would be some combination of Crowe and Diesel, perhaps “Russell Diesel” or “Vin Crowe” (actually, I like that one!). “Vin Crowe” would be the best of both worlds. But what surprised me is her mention that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons and Dragons.

Yes, the star of the Fast and the Furious series rolls a D20.

And Diesel’s no casual fan, either. Playing for 20 years, he’s been a DM for many campaigns, written material for D & D manuals, and had his favorite PC tattooed on him. It’s such a surprise because a high-profile action star isn’t what one has come to expect from the typical role-playing geek. Well, there shouldn’t be such a thing.

What disarms me the most is how fit he is.

Weekly Wednesday Poetry for July 13, 2011

Wed, 13 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Cans like honeycomb Stacked on my desk. Is this some Caffeine addiction?

Nostalgia for Cyberpunk

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I saw the pilot movie for Max Headroom the other day. I wasn’t lucky enough to catch the pilot or the full series when it first appeared in the US in 1987. In fact, I wasn’t exposed to anything cyberpunk until 1995, when I saw The Lawnmower Man on VHS (a movie I’d like to revisit sometime). I didn’t read cyberpunk literature until late into college, when my work crew boss (and college webmaster) recommended Neuromancer by William Gibson. Afterwards, I ate up anything like Gibson’s work I could get my hands on – the rest of the Sprawl trilogy, Blade Runner, Ghost in the Shell (the manga, the movie and the TV show!), and others. But Max Headroom had to wait until just recently before I could see it.

The show follows an intrepid reporter, Edison Carter, who lives “twenty minutes into the future” in a world dominated by TV networks. After a motorcycle crash, his consciousness is copied into a powerful computer, creating the eccentric AI Max Headroom (so-named after Carter’s last thoughts before the crash). Carter recovers, and with Max he continues to investigate the gritty secrets of his media-ruled world.

Well, it’s nothing like the cyberpunk I came to love in college.

Weekly Wednesday Couplet for July 6, 2011

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Oh coffee, keep me far from drowsiness, But stay out of my bladder’s business.

(Yeah, it’s a loose rhyme. Sue me.)

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for June 29, 2011

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Micah in the rock. The mountain sparkles out from Underneath the moss.

Fall of the House of Stark, Part 3: A Storm of Swords

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

(This is part 3 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.)

Years before the events of the first book A Game of Thrones, Tywin Lannister became lord of Casterly Rock and inherited a title in shambles. His father had squandered away the family’s fast wealth, leaving them under tremendous debt. It took years for Tywin to restore the family to its prior glory, and during that time he developed a reputation as a cold-hearted, ruthless ruler. One of his “bannermen,” or lesser lords that owe allegiance to the Lannisters, was Lord Reyne of Castamere who, with Lord Tarbeck, rebelled against Tywin. Tywin defeated both, leaving nothing of either the Reynes or Tarbecks alive or standing. A bard immortalized their fall with “The Rains of Castamere,” painting Tywin Lannister in a harsh light. But Tywin took to the song, and it became his anthem for when he wanted to remind enemies and allies alike of what he is capable of.

A Storm of Swords is the strongest book in the Song of Ice and Fire series. It has the most forceful (if not quite “satisfying”) conclusion, with the most significant character development. And it has a curious recurring subtext: the importance of song. People are songs; dynasties are songs; whole lands are songs.

And songs must end.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for June 22, 2011

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Ow ow ow ow ow Drilling out the rotted tooth. Aspirin, pretty please.

Fall of the House of Stark, Part 2: A Clash of Kings

Mon, 20 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

_(This is part 2 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.)

A Clash of Kings, a story about faith, begins appropriately with a bright omen: a red comet streaking across the sky, seen by everyone in Westeros and beyond. Yet everyone reads the portent differently. The titular kings see the comet as an omen of their own victories. Peasants fear it. A widowed queen follows it across a barren desert. A Clash of Kings isn’t just about the clash of Renly Baratheon, Stannis Baratheon, Robb Stark, Joffrey Baratheon, and the rest: it’s about the clash of faiths and civilizations.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for June 15, 2011

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Highland mountain home, Drifting farther every day From this current life.

Flash Fiction: "The Pride of the American Moon Territories Mining Company"

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

(This was written for a contest last October. It didn’t win – or even place – but I rather like it, and I hope you do too.)

Landbury knew if they didn’t reach harbor soon they would lose the Muenster from Mare Tranquilitatis, and it would cost him his captaincy. They had to face the celestial typhoon.

“Storm’s a Scorpio,” Hillbrand said. “She’ll sting ya, you’re not careful.”

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for June 8, 2011

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The hills still whisper. I’ve smuggled their heart away. They miss me the most.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for June 1, 2011

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Knoxville, Tennessee. Like a lost prodigal son I return to you.

The Tao of the Dark Crystal, Part 2

Mon, 30 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

What was sundered and undone Shall be whole, the two made one. . .

Aughra, The Dark Crystal

December 1982. Jim Henson, Brian Froud and the rest of those at Jim Henson Productions hoped that the premiere of The Dark Crystal would bring high fantasy films into the popular spotlight and prove to be a success. It was, but only a modest one, eclipsed by a children’s film that no one in Hollywood had paid attention to: Steven Spielberg’s E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial.

But despite E.T. and other films making 1982 a remarkably crowded summer for blockbuster movies, The Dark Crystal did modestly well, earning $40 million on its $15 million budget. The Dark Crystal is notable that it wasn’t based on an existing property (an aspect it shares with E.T.). Henson and Froud developed the world and the story of the film from scratch; it had a piece of Henson’s heart at its core. Henson was deeply spiritual – raised a Christian Scientist, was later influenced by Eastern religion – and the film reflects his beliefs.

Weekly Wednesday Couplet! for May 25, 2011

Sun, 29 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

You say, brevity is the soul of wit; I say, cleverness is the source of shit.

(Published a few days late, sorry)

The Tao of the Dark Crystal, Part 1

Sun, 22 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The world knows beauty as beauty, So there is then ugliness. The world knows good as good, So there is then the bad.

–Tao Te Ching, trans. A. S. Kline

I first saw The Dark Crystal when I was three on HBO. I remember being mesmerized and frightened in equal amounts, although I had little idea of what was happening. I remembered a young elfin boy wandering through a dangerous, mystical world, pursued by black crab-like monsters. The film left such an impression that I rediscovered it at a Wal-Mart twelve years later in the discount bin, having never seen it since my first viewing. The fright and the amazement returned, and with it a great deal of appreciation for the thought and passion put into its inception. This was the film that ignited my love of fantasy, put me on the road to writing fiction in my spare time, and led me to explore alternative religious traditions.

And it wouldn’t have existed without the creator of the Muppets.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for May 18, 2011

Wed, 18 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Coworkers and I Flinging poop at each other: Why we have bosses.

Fall of the House of Stark, Part 1: A Game of Thrones

Sun, 15 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

(This is part 1 of an exploration of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.)

Before he began the mammoth series A Song of Ice and Fire, George R. R. Martin wrote for television, penning episodes of the 1980s reboot of The Twilight Zone and Beauty and the Beast starring Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman. He also created and maintains the Wild Cards shared universe, editing anthologies of short stories set there.

So Martin was already adept at the long-form serial before he began Song of Ice and Fire. Serialized storytelling is a hard art to master (one I’m frankly frightened of!), and I’m in awe of writers who can master it. Dickens was one such master. The release of the end of Great Expectations to London by ferry was akin to the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, or the fevered watch parties for series finales of shows like Lost.

A Game of Thrones, the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire, belies Martin’s serial heritage in one important aspect: it is the first part of a much longer story, not a book self-contained with comfortable resolutions. Chapters end on cliffhangers; the novel ends only with the longest breathing space Martin could create, a brief pause in the hell that is Westeros.

The form serial has two big strengths: ongoing character development and the exploration of themes at length. Martin uses both to his advantage.

And oh, what characters!

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for May 11, 2011

Wed, 11 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Chubby warrior Hidden behind toothy smile: Hippopotamus!

The TV in the Closet

Mon, 09 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Image: Captain Jack Harkness

Seeing a celebrity at a convention is a certain joy, be it at an autograph stand, a private booth, or sitting among a crowd of hundreds in a Q and A panel. I went to MegaCon in March with my coworker Tyler. To our amazement, they had booked half a dozen A-list celebrities – or what passes for A-list celebrities in the geek world. Stan Lee. William Shatner. Half of the Star Trek: The Next Generation cast. These are our heroes.

Our first panel that Saturday was one James Marsters, a versatile character actor trained in theater, and best known as the loveable bastard Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. His public image has been spotty, especially after the fiasco that was Dragonball: Evolution. To my surprise he was approachable and forthcoming during the panel, although it took some time to get used to his natural American accent.

One fan asked if it was difficult kissing Sarah Michelle Gellar. “You’re asking,” Marsters said, “if it was difficult. . . to kiss Sarah Michelle Gellar?” After a gentle mocking, he said that it was difficult to kiss well in front of the camera, which Sarah provided much guidance for.

He was then asked about his part in the upcoming Torchwood miniseries. The show was jumping broadcasters, going from its home at the BBC (where it began as a spinoff of Doctor Who) onto premium cable network Starz. As part of the show’s revamp, American characters were being added to the team, including Marsters and Bill Pullman.

Marsters spoke about kissing John Barrowman. “Let me tell you one thing, guys,” Marsters said. “Shave. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will appreciate it.” He then said something about the nature of the show that he liked. “One of the things that the show goes out to prove,” he said with all earnestness, “Is that gay people can be heroes.”

His statement hit me like a sucker punch.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for May 4, 2011

Wed, 04 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Ducklings huddle near. Mother herds them in the pond. No minivan here!

Dream of the Rail

Mon, 02 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Photo: Tampa Station

The Amtrak station in downtown Tampa had seen better days. A coworker dropped me off in front late Thursday afternoon at the start of my weekend trip to Raleigh. The lobby was a historical landmark, recently refurbished and maintained, but beyond the polished wood interior and brick facade were dilapidated awnings covering bare concrete platforms. There were three tracks behind the station, but only one was used regularly, the other two delegated to backup duty, left to rust in the humid Florida climate.

A crowd gathered outside the steel gate as an attendant announced the impending arrival of my train north to Raleigh. “Okay, we’re taking sleeper cars first, sleeper cars first! Everyone else be patient, we’ll get you on soon.” Middle class families were escorted in golf carts to the far end of the arrival platform as our train arrived. It was a workhorse, built on twentieth century technology, long in the tooth but having lost none of its usefulness. It will take you where you need to go on time. It always had.

I followed the crowd through the gate. The attendants passed me down the platform from car to car, finally placing me adjacent to the lounge car. I stowed my duffle bag above and took my seat next to a drowsy middle-aged single mom. She was doing everything in her power to keep her kids in line through a fifteen-hour train ride. The interior was spacious by modern travel standards: most small jet planes were like flying coffins with what little breathing space you have. In constrast, the train seats have leg and foot rests, and room for both up at the same time. I put mine to use.

As we pulled out of Tampa past Ybor, I noticed a hen running alongside us. I mentioned this to the single mom beside me. “Hey, there’s a chicken outside!” she said to her children. “Looks like it missed the train!”

The train rocked lazily through southern Florida into the afternoon, reaching Orlando by sunset. It was as slow as driving the same distance, but there’s no rush, no stress, no half-asleep drivers to dodge on the interstate. It’s the luxury of a leisurely pace.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for April 27th, 2011

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Rings of rust and stone. Wind buffets the weathervane. We eat chicken wings.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for April 20, 2011

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Snowing in April? Nowhere around here, baby. I sure wish it could.

Pace Yourself

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Preparation is key. Petroleum jelly in the right places, sunblock everywhere. A bandanna covers my forehead, for the sun as well as the sweat. My water bottles are filled and stowed away on my belt, and I strap my timer to it as well. Power gels or gummies are shoved into the front pocket. Everything ready, I stride out the door into the sun.

The first minute is always the hardest. Getting the stride back takes effort through no effort, much like thinking without thinking in Zen meditation. You don’t think too much about moving your feet; after a few minutes, your muscle memory will do the work for you.

I remember to time my breath. In two steps, out two steps, in two, out two. It comes naturally; I don’t break rhythm. If I feel winded or my legs ache, I shorten my stride.

On most days, running liberates me. But not last Saturday.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for April 13, 2011

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The sun’s power: in Plants’ photosynthesis; and Giving me heat stroke.

Holy War

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

When religion and politics travel in the same cart, the riders believe nothing can stand in their way. Their movement becomes headlong – faster and faster and faster. They put aside all thought of obstacles and forget that a precipice does not show itself to the man in a blind rush until it’s too late.

–Frank Herbert, Dune

It was a Tuesday, and I was in British Literature I. We were discussing an early text, either Beowulf or Canterbury Tales. Our professor was teaching via teleconference from a campus two hours away. As she was listening on our class discussion through the television, an off-camera student leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Her expression changed immediately.

“Thank you,” she said, as one of my classmates finished speaking. “Uh, we’re going to end a little early today.”

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for April 6, 2011

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Drinking tall iced tea Summiting Mount Everest Both: epic brain freeze.

The Curator Fan

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 00:00:00 +0000

I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson, Immortality

Photo by Bjørn Christian Tørrissen

Unlike many in the fan community, I have an uneasy relationship with fan fiction. I indulged in it a few times during college. I’ve had half a mind to write a fan screenplay of Dune, or Neon Genesis Evangelion, or Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. I even developed an idea for a sequel novel to the Avatar: the Last Airbender, but with the upcoming Legend of Korra covering similar grounds, I haven’t pursued it.

And I will never write any of the above.

Why?

Weekly Wednesday Haiku for March 30, 2011

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Slowing the day down The good moments and the bad Prolong my headache.

Little Fuzzy and the Slow Loris

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

And soon all the people would find Big Ones to live with, who would take care of them and have fun with them and love them, and give them the Wonderful Food. . . . [The Fuzzies] would give their love and make them happy. Later, when they learned how, they would give their help, too.

--H. Beam Piper, Little Fuzzy

Have you seen the tickled slow loris video that’s been proliferating on cute animal websites for several weeks? In the video, the loris holds its front paws up as his owner tickles his armpits.

Weekly Wednesday Haiku* For March 23, 2011

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Weed-whackers keep me Distracted; I hum and sneeze The whole day away.

*Will not always be haiku.

Escapism and the End of the World as We Know It

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Post-apocalyptic literature troubles me.

I should qualify that. I enjoy a fair share of post-apocalyptic storytelling. The Road is minimalist and bleak to the point of horrifying beauty. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is an exceptionally realized far-future fantasy. Battlestar Galactica takes the most profound kind of end of the world scenario and puts real humans in the midst of it. Even Star Trek is a post-apocalyptic society, given the events of First Contact.

For Love of Transcendentalism

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Nothing is quite beautiful alone; nothing but is beautiful in the whole. –Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nature

Most of what I read in grade school sucked.

It was not for want of material. I was lucky to have attended good schools, with access to many books and stories of all kinds. No, my problem was what I was force-fed in class: dry and humorless, assigned by committee, designed to be as encompassing and “important” as possible. I learned quickly to look outside of school for material that entertained me.

Some of the school curriculum was good. Dickens. Shakespeare. Whitman. Others.

The rest wasn’t.

But there were some stories, some essays that were transformative and quietly profound, moving me in ways I couldn’t understand until years later.